Hermes (narrating): I always hated crowds, and I hate them even more around Christmas. All these jerks expecting some charity from a bearded old man having loud ass parties, all these losers looking for a date that won't last past the holiday, and all these dips thinking only about themselves...they all make my bad habit flare up even more.
Kabukicho in the present
Hermes: Heya, you! You dropped this over there.
Maid: My wallet! Thank you!
Yasha: Omigod you gotta be careful. Most people here would steal it instead of returning it.
Maid: Tee hee, sorry. I just got caught up in listening to your voice.
Hermes: ...good for them.
Guy A: Mweheheh, god all these couples out here are sitting ducks! Look at this...wallet I stole that isn't there anymore! And my own wallet got stolen too! AAAAAA
Hermes (narrating): So whenever I can't stop myself from doing my habit, I go hit up other lowlifes like this. It's a crime yeah, but I did a good thing with it so it all evens out. That's what I keep telling myself. I'm preeeetty sure the laws here wouldn't be okay with it, but whatever. But anyways, there's something I've been thinking about when doing this. Everyone who'd say what I did in these crimes against criminals was good always look really happy, but I guess there are tons of jackasses who'd take advantage of those suckers. When all those naive, innocent, trusting dorks thank me...it hurts like hell.
Present again
MC is walking home.
Solomon: (pops up) OH NO Master you got yourself into something crazy again! Good thing it's not a real incident. So anyways which side are you joining? Being an investigator sounds like you'll be searching for the criminals and flex those brains! But being a thief means playing a real life stealth game! OMG that all sounds sooo cool!
MC: hmmmm / might as well have fun with it / Solomon this isn't a game
(C) Solomon: Well I GUESS...but your life's on the edge all the time! You might as well enjoy the exciting stuff when you know already it's not for real!
Solomon: The Santa teachers will make me work if they catch me again so I won't be able to watch you do your thing, so tell me all about it when it's over!
MC accidentally bumps into someone while thinking about which side to join.
Wolf: goddammit, watch where you're going!
MC: s-sorry / I was, jerk. / (silently stare)
(A) Wolf: you think an apology is good enough!?
(B) Wolf: you think I'm some kind of dumbass, don't you
(C) Wolf: BRING IT BITCH
The wolf is ready to throw hands but hasn't because he's trying to shake MC down.
MC: oh no / laaaame / (stare more)
Suddenly Hermes
Hermes: There you are!
Wolf: I'm busy here, who the hell are you!?
Hermes: Don't be like that brah. I know a better way to have f~u~n~! See that girlie over there? Looks like she fell for you! She wants to ask you out but is too shy to do that, so as someone who knows her I figured I'd do so instead!
Wolf: ...okay.
Hermes: Go on dude, get a drink with her. She's already got a seat at a cafe waiting! I'll be right here.
Wolf: (calculating, calculating)
Wolf: ...you just escaped with your life, asshole.
Wolf: WHOO, MAMA
Hermes: cool he's gone. Let's go.
At Shinjuku Station
Hermes: Okay we should be good here.
MC: thank you / will she be okay? / you made all that up, didn't you?
(B) Hermes: It's all cool!
(C) Hermes: Damn, you figured it out huh? Well I guess it was too convenient there. But yeah I asked her for help. Totally what happened, yep.
Hermes: Anyways, what's your name?
MC: Player / (introduce yourself) / you first
(AB) Hermes: ...I'm Hermes. Nice meeting you.
Hermes frowned for a second at MC not doubting him, but changes the subject to hide this.
(C) Hermes: (almost smiles, looks embarrassed to cover this) Oops, you're right. I'm Hermes. Nice meeting you.
MC: I'm MC.
Hermes: Cool.
Hermes: Hey how about you listen to one of my songs? (pulls out a flute and sound equipment out of his bag, then plays)
A crowd starts forming as Hermes plays his song. Once he finishes, they all clap.
MC: (clap) / (throw a tip into his hat)
(A) Hermes: You like it? I'll play another one!
(B) Hermes: Wow thanks! You're a good guy.
???: Wait, do you have time for some questions?
Suddenly Tajikarao
Tajikarao: You need permission to perform in public here. Have you filled out the proper forms and--oh, who's that next to you?
MC: Oh, Tajikarao / long time no see / beefcake!
(AB) Tajikarao: It IS you, MC! What a surprise! I'd love to talk, but I'm in the middle of work right now.
(C) Tajikarao: Thank you, I must be making sweet gains during my workout! I'm sad I can't take off my clothes to show off my muscles! I wish I could show you them more closely elsewh--I MEAN
Tajikarao: Right I was talking to that man you're talking to, MC.
Hermes is long gone.
MC: wait what? when did he leave? and he took all his stuff with him too!
Tajikarao: How'd he leave so fast!? Oooh, he must have done it to hide he wasn't permitted to perform in public! We have to find him! Bye MC!
MC: hang in there... / good luck! / What is Hermes's deal?
MC's phone has a text from Hermes, who they haven't actually exchanged phone numbers with yet.
Hermes: Tajikarao knows me so I gotta go sorry bye lmao
MC: When did he do this!? Is he bad? But he saved me...
Night, at the dorm
MC: welp
Solomon: Hermes is WEIRD. I mean he saved you and all, but he's also kinda shady. Be careful! I know how you are!
MC: okay / okay mom
(A) Solomon: we might not see him again, but don't get close if you do see him!
(B) Solomon: Noooo, that's how bad people get you!
Solomon: If he comes to you, I'll just use my Self-Defense 3 Karate Chop!
MC: (hits end call button)
Solomon: NOOOOO
MC: bedtime!
Flashback
White: Pick a side! Stick with it until the end.
Hougen: Which one, which one? (NICE ASS)
End flashback
Which one indeed?
End of Episode
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