Tokyo Casino
An eagle-eyed bird splits his bets between 13 and 14 on the roulette table.
Fuxi: Betting time's done! Spin the wheel!
The ball falls on 13!
Fuxi: Nice going, Don Simurgh!
Simurgh: ...I was here for other things, but I didn't expect to see such a big shot.
Fuxi: Oh I just thought I might see you if I came in today.
Mobsters point their guns at Fuxi. He doesn't even bat an eye, so Simurgh waves them down.
Simurgh: Maybe you should be more afraid.
Fuxi: Oh I DO have things I'm afraid of. Like my sister ignoring me.
Simurgh: ...how'd you know I'd be here today?
The mobsters shiver in fear because no one outside the gang was supposed to know that.
Fuxi: Fortune telling! Nothing to worry about. So I'm not on good terms with the Casino's managing guild, but plenty of people here seek my fortune telling consultation so I can come and go as I please. Just like how you sell your feathers' healing ability!
Simurgh: Did your fortune telling not tell you talking so much would put me in a bad mood? I can make sure you'll never see your precious sister ever again if I say so.
Fuxi walks over and gets into Simurgh's personal space, whispering.
Fuxi: ...no one can tear us apart. Whoops! I came to give you a suggestion today.
Fuxi eyesignals the staff to bring out a bunch of metal cases.
Fuxi: I know you're looking for an investor to fund your family operations, so why not make it me? I'm as fabulously wealthy as the next crazy rich socialite to safeguard people from the Seven Misfortunes and Eight Pains of Buddhism.
Red: Boss, no! We can do something ourselves!
Yellow: He's plotting something!
Simurgh: You can't possibly want my stupid power. What's your deal?
Fuxi: Oh, it's simple. HELP ME FACILITATE MY LIFE WITH MY SISTER!
Fuxi: Whoops, excuse me. My sister always said I have a bad habit of going straight to the conclusion. I try to keep that in mind, and she's so frank it's cute...oh I'm going off topic again. Well anyways, you're going to come into contact with someone named MC. Want to see a picture? (pulls out a picture, kisses it, wraps it up, and puts it away)
Fuxi: Help me get closer to them!
Simurgh: (I have made a terrible decision to have gotten to this point. So do I accept this gift or not...?)
Simurgh: Okay, I like people who care about their families... I accept your gift. Still, I have to ask: can't you just talk to them directly?
Fuxi: ...they won't come to me if I don't do all this.
Simurgh goes back to the roulette table and gestures for Fuxi to sit down. The mobsters point guns at him again. Simurgh sees a faint reaction but can tell it's not fear.
Simurgh: Everyone here's got their secrets, so I don't need any more explanations. Show me your nerve. Call it!
Fuxi: 24.
It's 24!
Simurgh: Amazing. To our future collaboration.
Simurgh holds his hand out. Fuxi shakes. The two play more rounds and Simurgh has to accept Fuxi can see the future.
Later
Simurgh: ...finally, you're here. Look after Zhurong.
Fuxi: Okay. Take care! You'll be fine though. Zhurong, let's watch a video inside!
Zhurong: ...? Okay, see you later.
Simurgh: Be a good boy. I'll be back.
Outside
Red: Don, they're here. We're ready.
Cat A: Hey, we're sparrow hunting here.
Cat B: Uh, the don told us not to do this. We really gonna do it with the three of us...?
Cat C: Yeah. We win fast and hard or we die. Let's go.
Simurgh: Have fun in hell, boys.
Elsewhere, at Nakano
Koropokkur: ...so what's your stupid Plan B, genius?
Teda: It's cool! Some guys here are gonna give me a good idea!
Koropokkur: So, outsourcing random ideas. It's a kid's way of thinking and I like that but...wait, why are we using Presence Concealment out here anyway?
Teda: Behold! (steps out from Koropokkur's leaf and instantly gets mobbed by randos that don't question his sudden appearance)
Agent A: TEDA PLEASE STAR IN MY NEXT VIDEO
Mermaid B: Teda, let's make a music video together!
Guy C: Teda, have you thought about joining our pretty boy idol band?
Teda runs back under Koropokkur's leaf and the crowd for all intents and purposes disappears)
Teda: I'm cursed with being so loved! Now come on, this way!
Teda leads Koropokkur towards the sounds of a biwa and flute playing.
Inside
Benten: Teda, you can't just call us over and then be late like a jackass! And it's the end of the year with so much work...!
Hermes: Hey, I'm cool with it. You'll owe me for this, right Teda? ...but you'll have to ask someone else to introduce you to the Arakawa peeps.
Jiraiya: Aww, come on guys! This sounds like fun.
Teda: Guys, this is Koropokkur! He's a disrespectful dumdum who speaks to me like an equal!
Koropokkur: ...hi. (coldly greets the others)
Benten: Whoa, where'd he come from and how'd he do that?
Teda: Koropokkur you are SO rude to tall people.
Koropokkur: Tall people spoiling you suits you, not me.
Teda explains to Team Phantom Thieves about the event plot so far: Koropokkur accidentally ruined Christmas! They tried to borrow Santa's bag to fix it, but then some other people came and took it.
Jiraiya: You guys tried to take it too? That's hilarious! Santa Claws actually asked us to take the bag back for him! We could've fought you guys too if things were different, even if I feel like I'm not strong enough to win...
Benten: How much of a meathead are you to think about giving presents yourself because the presents weren't given out on time? Why not a charity drive or something? Like, buy presents on sale.
Everyone Else: !?
Benten: ...what?
Teda: Oh my god, Benten said something sensible! I thought she'd have the least helpful things to say!
Benten: HEY! Stop letting your viral attention go to your head!
Teda: Aw, come on! I'll be in one of your videos, okay?
Benten: No thanks, I'M supposed to be the star.
Koropokkur: (Oh no, there's more spotlight hogs...)
Nakano is the school of the popular, and Teda shines even amongst that crowd. Koropokkur thinks Teda likes them because they're rival stars he can compete with.
Hermes: Hey Koropokkur or whatever your name was. Did the people who take Santa's bag have a black bird guy with them?
Koropokkur: ...yes, you know him? You don't seem all that respectable.
Hermes: I bet that was the Simurgh Family from Arakawa then. All I know is that they look like the top dog as a group. Never actually seen or met them before though. Apparently they're giving presents to the kids in that city for Christmas.
Teda: Rivals? Okay, help me guys! This is an honor for you!
Benten: Meh okay. Might as well do something decent for once.
Hermes: I can do behind the scene stuff!
Jiraiya: Sounds good! Don't let your guard down around me though.
Arakawa
Cat C: Fucker! (flop)
Those cats are dead. Or at least shot the hell up.
Simurgh: Noble Phantasm, Star of Altair!
Simurgh summons/creates rainbow birds from his artifact, which then grab his feathers with his beak and fly up.
Cats: We're being healed? ...AAAAHHH
The cats get shot up again.
Simurgh: Clean up this mess.
Inside
Ose: I wasn't expecting the boss to bring you here. I've seen videos of you while I was moving around. Oh! I'm Odell, a bodyguard.
Fuxi: Pleased to meet you. I'm Fuxi, Don Simurgh's collaborator.
Zhurong: I'm Zhurong! Nice to meet you two!
[If MC has a gender]
Fuxi: ...you get along with MC like siblings, right?
[If MC is nonbinary]
Fuxi: ...you call MC "___" right?
Fuxi: I'm MC's brother, so you can treat me like a brother too.
Simurgh returns.
Ose: Oh that was fast. I guess you didn't need my help.
Simurgh: I don't have the money to pay loafers who don't do anything.
Ose: The Family's doing great lately! Is that Fuxi's doing? Is that shot bar his idea too? It didn't seem like something you like.
Simurgh: He insisted, so I had to...
Fuxi: Personal interests! I was hoping my sister could work there sometimes.
Fuxi pulls out a picture of MC to simp over. Ose looks unimpressed.
Ose: Won't your sister hate that..? This seems improper.
Fuxi: Yes, they might look at me as less than dirt but that's fine too. But if they say yes and the riffraff start eying them like meat, when they go home I can ehEhheheHEH
Ose: Welp! Love comes in all kinds. Fingers crossed it doesn't blow up.
Simurgh: Why don't you bartend if you're not gonna bodyguard?
Ose: Where's the fun in that? I'm happy to do it if you say so though. Maybe your other bodyguard can do it. I bet he'd bring in big spenders who want him to be happy!
Simurgh: You shut up about that. He already works himself too hard for Kenta, so I'm not making him do work he doesn't want.
Ose: ...then what about me?
Simurgh notices Zhurong looking confused, so he headpats him.
Simurgh: Sorry about all that talk. Come over here.
Zhurong: It's okay. It's for work, right?
Zhurong sits on Simurgh's lap. Ose watches and narrows his eyes.
Ose: Hmm. So it's true he's doting on Zhurong like the rumors say. Does he like innocent little children? I was thinking he didn't since I hadn't seen him act that way until now.
Simurgh: I can grant your death wish if you want.
Simurgh points a gun at Ose, but then the door slams open as Barguest barges in looking all beat up.
Ose: Oh look, speak of the devil. It's Bodygaurd #1, looking pretty bad off actually.
Simurgh: ...what is it?
Barguest: KENTA'S BEEN ATTACKED!
Reaction shots all around!
Fuxi: ...they're moving faster than expected. Excuse me, I must go get my sister.
End of Episode half
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