Flashback!
Inaba: ...Lord Onamuji, why did you help me?
Onamuji: Hmm, how do I even answer that
Inaba: I know I got what was coming to me. You could have left me alone, so why?
Yeah the story could've ended there.
Onamuji: ...since some people may agree with that, there can be people who disagree with that.
Inaba: what?
Onamuji: I don't need to act the same as anyone else, that's all. If things go bad the first time, do better the next. And us meeting here was our fate.
Inaba (narrating): And then he left.
The sounds of waves come, unchanging since that day. On the sands, Inaba. In the waves, the shark.
Inaba: I wonder if Lord Onamuji made it okay. I can only pray so, but what should I do? Would you take me, Sharkie? Maybe he's lonely...in which case, I can help!
Shark: (excited shark noises)
Inaba: You'll help? Even after what I did?
Shark: Bark!
Inaba: Thanks! He's the reason we could make up! Let's go to...wherever it is he is!
Inaba jumps like he's counting sharks again. The rabbit's shadow continues projecting on the sea reflection of the moon day and night, here, there, and everywhere. And then one day...the rainbow light reached the sea. Inaba jumps over off the sharks' backs, and one goes with him as a friend to an unknown land, the wonderful world of Tokyo...
Present
Daikoku: I'LL NEVER GET BUSTED HERE
Benten: Why the hell isn't Daikoku actually leaving?
This wacky chase has been going on for a while, but Daikoku never actually ran outside the shrine.
MC: I wonder if there's a reason for that...?
Hotei: Y'all, how many times have we run in circles!?
Ebisu: Benten, maybe we should try our artifacts again.
Benten: He'll just see that coming if we don't mix it up!
Ebisu: T-then what do we do?
Hotei: We'd just be comedians without our artifacts! SOMEBODY WORK WITH ME HERE!
Inaba: W-what the hell, y'all! ...did I do it right?
Hotei: Thanks, Inaba. Gettin' the cold shoulder's the worst.
MC: I guess we should do something he won't see coming?
Inaba: So, surprise him? If I just had a good enough trick...!
Benten: Any ideas, guys?
Ebisu: Uhh...
Hotei: The ideas man is here, y'all! I gots an artifact he doesn't know about!
MC: Wow! / You do...?
Later
Daikoku: (Why can't I leave? A strong bond of fate? This body is thinking it CAN'T leave!?)
Daikoku's still running. And now he's in a less crowded area.
Ebisu: GO!
Ebisu is apparently activating his artifact.
Daikoku: (Blasted fool. I know your tricks!)
Daikoku hides in darkness again. Ebisu however has something else on his fish hook.
Hotei: The Laughing Buddha is taking off! (changes to vending machine form)
Hotei: Behold, my new artifact! When in Tokyo, do as Tokyoites do! Beep boop, targeting Daikoku!
Inaba: W-wow, I've never seen an artifact like that before!
Daikoku: THAT'S NOT AN ARTIFACT!
Daikoku: Oh no, I did it again! This body's memories won't stay down!
Hotei: Vending Machine Sumo!
Daikoku: AAAAAA
Hotei blocks the way!
Benten: Give it up, Daikoku!
Daikoku: Ha! Your artifacts won't work on me!
MC: Right, so we aren't going to use them! (cracks fingers)
Daikoku:
Daikoku:
Daikoku:
Daikoku: YOU COULD DO THAT!?
Everyone jumps Daikoku.
Inaba: Master Onamujiiiii!
Daikoku: AAAAA
Inaba grabs Daikoku's arm all teary-eyed.
Daikoku: You're...
Inaba: I finally found you again!
Daikoku: ...I don't know you.
Inaba: Master, did you forget me!? It's me, Inaba! I came looking for you with my shark friend! I wanted to tell you it's thanks to you that I made up with him and have been living happi--
Daikoku: ...I am Daikoku. Onamuji? Who is that?
Inaba: ...!
MC: Daikoku! Inaba!
Inaba: ...I'm okay, Master. I understand, you're Daikoku.
MC: wait what? Really!?
Inaba: Playing tricks and being tricked is who I am. And he must have his reasons. As long as I can see him and tell him I've been okay, that's enough for me.
Daikoku: (flashes back)
Benten: Huh. You say you're Daikoku, right? I wanna go over your makeup and how it's so different, but if you say you're you, then eh, good enough.
Daikoku: ...w-why am I shaking to the core!?
Onamuji, the one who Okuninushi previously was, obeys no one. But if he's claiming to be Daikoku, then his role and place in the hierarchy will be Daikoku's.
Daikoku: Why do I get the feeling things will be a huge pain if I don't go along with it!?
Daikoku won't stop shaking. Neither does his mallet.
MC: Huh, that mallet.
Ebisu, Hotei, and Benten: Daikoku's artifact!
Daikoku: WHAT
Something dark is coming from the mallet! It is the Great Darkness that covers the seven colors of the world, and it surrounds the shrine in a flash!
Wolf A: W-what now? The fortune sticks are getting even darker!
Girl B: Bad vibes, man
Girl C: Dark sky!
Inside
Touji: I sense evil. Inaba's not back. What's going on!?
Agyou: OH NO THE FORTUNE STICKS
Outside
MC: The sky! / The fortune sticks! / I thought I saw something just now
Hotei: Oh yeah, Daikoku dressed like that before.
Ebisu: Was that before he joined the Treasure Ship?
MC: wait what
Benten: Yeah, Daikoku moved fast way back when. He'd put on make up like a heavy metal rocker and yell about "DESTRUCTION OF A THOUSAND YEARS!" Now it looks like he's some boring old dude who cringes at his edgy teen phase.
Daikoku: NOOO STOP MAKING ME SOUND LIKE A CHUUNIBYOU
MC: Bocchi the Rock reference! / Wow... ('you sweet summer child' stare)
Daikoku: No, that wasn't me! I mean I'm Daikoku, but NOT ME!
Benten: Stop! Denying the Shadow the Seven Disasters makes them rampage!
MC: what
Hotei: Those are the things we Lucky Seven Gods seal away.
Ebisu: I think Daikoku was doing that back in his home world too.
Black > Other Colors, therefore the Great Darkness is at the top of the hierarchy.
Ebisu: Daikoku deny his past and hierarchy means those memories will resurface, and artifacts have past memories sealed in them. So...
Inaba: My darkened sticks are writing something!
They say fire disaster, water disaster, and wind disaster.
MC: Oh no, what's gonna happen?
Wolf A: OW I BURNED MY TONGUE ON HOT FOOD
FIRE
Girl B: Urk! I choked on my drink because you scared me!
WATER
Randos: Oh no we're doing a Marilyn Manson because of the wind!
WIND
MC: OH NO HOW AWFUL / (smiles)
Inaba: Oh no, my fortunes...
Benten: Welp, there's only one thing for us to do.
Ebisu: Right.
Hotei: Ayup.
Inaba: Huh!?
Ebisu, Hotei, and Benten: We must purge the seven disasters and bring the seven fortunes.
Hotei: That's right, MC! When we're together...
Ebisu: We can do things we couldn't do alone.
Benten: It's our legendary reunion! I'm gonna blow up on Twitter first thing this year!
MC: Break a leg! / this cannot end well / (attempt to bail)
Benten: You're filling in because we don't have all seven of us here yet, MC!
Inaba: W-wait, me too!?
MC: Let's do it, Inaba. For Touji too.
Inaba: Master, are you sure?
MC: Sounds like fun / Benten is here, give it up / Such is fate
Daikoku: (stares in cop)
MC: Are you joining in?
Daikoku: Join what!? I--
Benten: Forget him, MC. I don't know what's up with him, but there's no place on stage for people who don't step up themselves!
MC: But I'm getting shanghaied into thi--AAA / But we chased him through the crowds for--AAA / (gets pulled along)
Daikoku: ...
Inaba: What are you going to do, Lord Onamuji Daikoku?
Daikoku: Nothing. As I am now, I have no connection to all this.
Daikoku cannot let his old name be revealed!
Inaba: ...okay. I'm sorry for any trouble I caused you, Lord Onamuiji-Lookalike. You should step back at least. Blessings for your relationships.
Inaba bows, then runs after everyone else. Daikoku watches him go.
Daikoku (narrating): I remember that day that rabbit showed me his flayed back. And I remember how I used to be, believing in the future.
Daikoku: What did I say back then...?
Onamuji (Flashback): If it doesn't work out the first time, just try again.
Daikoku: Huh?
Something starts shining in Daikoku's pocket. It's the fortune stick he picked up earlier!
Inaba (Flashback): The worst reunion of all time! Stop fighting and let it happen.
Daikoku: Did he mean the Seven Lucky Gods? This really IS the worst reunion, isn't it Daikoku?
Daikoku is now shaking because of other emotions instead of terror.
Daikoku: ...very well then, Daikoku. I'm borrowing your body, but now I will deceive the world even further and return what I borrowed.
The Lucky God Daikoku normally cannot be summoned in his normal class because he has the same class and power as the Great Darkness, the one who existed in Deva Loka and Shangri La as a double-sided being. Also he's banned from existing in Tokyo, his role and power detached from him, and he's sealed in the Void Horizon.
Daikoku: Syncretism means I can cover for Daikoku's class, and if we BOTH feel like it, we can do this...
The Lucky Mallet starts making noise. Inaba's power is making connections, meaning making connections to yet unseen futures...
Later
Ebisu: Fishing for fortune sticks! Gooo--
Ebisu slips on a banana peel. Tex Avery intensifies.
Ebisu: WHYYYYY
Hotei: Hotei Sack Catch!
Ebisu: T-thanks, Hotei.
MC: My turn to try! Plot sword, cut the dark mist!
Sudden wind blows MC off balance just when they were about to hit it.
MC: Whoops, guess I'll give up.
Benten: what. Bad luck is gonna win fr? Is my biwa gonna explode if I try something!?
Benten is shredding her biwa harder than usual, but her worries about what could happen is in itself bugging her.
Ebisu: Maybe it's because we're at a shrine on New Year's that this is happening?
Hotei: Maybe, but this ain't gonna be all chipper if we don't do something!
Benten: Ugh, if only he was here! ...what's that!?
Daikoku: Comrades, I have kept you all waiting. Were you waiting for my Golden Hammer of Heaven's Auspices?
Benten: OMG SO COOL
Daikoku: Destruction of a thousand years to the Seven Disasters! Strike the eight skulls henceforth and let loose the screams of uncountenanced masses! The daiko of the Seven Lucky Gods rings true as the Great Darkness Daikoku advances!
Ebisu, Hotei, and Benten: Yay, Daikoku!
Inaba: !?!?!?
MC: nerrrrrd
Daikoku: DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, THAT'S JUST HOW THE MEMORIES GO! ...ahem. Hahaha, behold my ingress ye adherents! Heh, it has been some time you three. We will talk later, you know what we require now, yes? 15 seconds, sinking time go!
Inaba: W-what...?
MC: The Treasure Ship! / Dress up! For luck! / Is he talking about the other Lucky Gods
Ebisu: But we can't summon the Treasure Ship here! We aren't in a dream and don't have enough power for that!
Inaba: Numbers? Well, there's four of the seven here, and Master and I make six. Oh wait, can we add Sharkie to make seven!?
Benten: Well sure, but we need to look the part too and boost our Lucky God signal!
Half the crowd of randos have no idea what they're looking at.
Benten: All people see when they look at us is a normal pretty girl, a fisherman, and a bad comedian yelling loudly! Which means half the crowd doesn't see us as the Seven Lucky Gods!
Daikoku: Ding ding, correct answer! That is the Unfortunate Terminally Online Social Media Maiden I know!
Hotei: Oh, we have to dress up!
Benten: I can't, tho. When we broke up, I took my dress to the cleaners and--
Ebisu: HOLD UP WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY EARLIER!?
Hotei: Daikoku, where'd you get your clothes fro--oh, the mallet!
MC: It's--
Daikoku: Yes, yes already, 'tis the fortune-bringing Lucky Mallet!
Daikoku bonks the air which spread light particles that magically dress up the rest of the Lucky Gods.
Ebisu: Hey, these are our old clothes!
Hotei: Yeah!
Benten: Awesome! That cleaning place I went to closed down, but now it's time for us to go full throttle!
Ebisu: Okay then...!
The Treasure Ship descends to Tokyo. People ooh and gasp! Showtime!
Ebisu: Wait, the Treasure Ship is here even though we aren't in a dream or in cyberworld?
Daikoku: I picked up my connections and had my servants encircle this area so it is now an Enclosed Space. Now we need three more people to fill in the gaps...
Inaba: O-oh! Me! Please let me help, Someone I'm Not Supposed to Know!
Daikoku: Haha very well then, Rabbit I Clearly Have No History With. Thus we now tie a new connection...
Lucky Gods Plus Inaba: We must purge the seven disasters and bring the seven fortunes!
Benten: Hit it, peeps!
BATTLE START (more happens after)
Benten: More power, people! One more song, let's hear that applause!
Benten runs from one end of the ship to the other. The cheers are cleansing the darkness on the fortune sticks and weakening the Seven Disasters. Still not enough though. Still got parts of the audience to reach.
Ebisu: Wait, all these people cheering and it's still not enough!?
Hotei: Benten's runnin' on empty too!
MC: Almost...!
Inaba: Let me handle it! Remember, it's the Year of the Rabbit now! And since it's New Year's, I get about as much faith power as the Lucky Gods! Watch me, Master and Somebody Else!
Daikoku: ...very well.
Inaba: Let's go Sharkie! Our legend starts here!
MC: The shark! Inaba's fur!
Inaba starts writing in front of everyone.
Inaba: Behold the Noble Phantasm of the Inaba White Rabbit!
The lucky stars are all together, and their faith fills the area.
MC: The fortune sticks are brightening up again!
Yasha A: Hey look at that!
Oni B: What? I'm busy cooking here and it's been dark outs--WHOA
Inaba: Believe in the seven fortunes and fortune will come to you! A-and now, your destinies look bright! Look up into the sky, even for a second! Then, say the magic words together!
Oni Couple or whatever: what?
The clumsy words of Inaba, not together enough to be called a fortune.
Benten: Nice, Inaba! Wanna write a song for my band sometime?
No one can take their eyes off the Treasure Ship. More faith gathers, and the ship shines brighter. All who look at it smile, and the darkness from the fortune sticks clear away.
MC: Happy New Year!
Ebisu: Full speed ahead! To the center of the shrine!
Hotei: Anchoring position, getting the spotlight ready!
Daikoku: 80%...90%...100%! Lucky Power, 700%!
Benten: Get over here people, it's time for the grand finale!
Inaba: Ack, don't pull! Master, Sharkie, come on!
Benten: All together...!
Everyone: Happy New Year's, best wishes to all!
Inaba: Sharkie, look at my box!
Shark: Bark!
Inaba tightly holds his box of fortune sticks as the power returns to them. Someone headpats Inaba from behind.
Inaba: Huh?
Inaba turns around, but no one is there aside from the faint smell of cattail flowers.
Inaba: Let's go, Sharkie! Things have settled, and people are waiting! Thank you everyone...Lord Whatsyourface. See you later, Master!
Daikoku: ...heh.
Daikoku is the only one to turn around while everyone watches Inaba go, giving a little wave as he disappears into the shadows. It was a man calling him Daikoku instead of Okuninushi that Inaba met, and a new bond was forged. The new tale of Inaba and the shark begins here, and what future awaits him is unknown to him still. But there is a fortune that tells him that there will be a day Daikoku will go back to his original name, and that fate will cross with the Summoners. Until then, Inaba will stand proudly by his new master in Tokyo.
Later
Solomon: Wow, crazy new year again. (eats rice cake)
Solomon: Oh you wanna know what I did? Father and I decorated a racket together! I tried really hard, you know? Father had a drink and took a nap halfway through. Isn't it cute? Not as much as me of course! Look, it's a rabbit! Speaking of which, did you get a fortune stick?
MC: Oh right, that. Wanna go with me?
Solomon: Sure, I hope we meet lots of new people this year! I'm still first though! You're always having fun with everyone else... Oh, I really wanted to see the Treasure Ship! Master, will you hear me out?
Solomon hurries you along, carrying his New Year's racket. What will your fortune say? One thing's for sure though is that everyone is wishing for the same thing: may we all have a great year.
The End
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