Tuesday, February 27, 2024

Oedo Christmas Episode 2 Part 2 (Abridged)

Flashback for some reason!
Turing: In shogi, you should learn the common, established tactics. If you get good at it, you'll get more people interested in you!
Mermaid: It was so fun watching you knock that samurai down a notch in shogi!
Turing: I've played against tougher people like Enigma.
Another courtesan comes in.

Koun (Red Merman): Excuse me, could you teach me about this story?
Mermaid: Figure it out yourself, I'm in the middle of a lesson.
Turing: Now now love, I can teach you anytime. Let's see...that new doll joururi bunraku act people are talking about?
Merman: Yes, I can't be seen as out of touch with the times...
Turing: Okay. Shie, you can listen too since this could help you.
Mermaid: Oh my god you know about puppet bunraku plays too!?
Turing: Sort of. I'm just interested in things that make dolls come alive.
And then Turing starts reading the story aloud.

Present
Green: Yoohoo! Want to check out OUR geishas?
Horus: I'm taken, thank you. Uncle, stay close. (throws arm over MC's shoulder and moves on)
MC: whoa! / Did you practice that line? But you're cute when you get awkward.
---
(BC) Horus: Oh my god Uncle, you can't just say that out loud!
---
Blue: OMG you're talking to Oni Hayabusa!
Green: Hey wait, isn't that MC, that new Yoshitsune actor in kabuki!?
Blue: Holy shit I couldn't tell when they weren't in costume!
Gouryou: Hey babe and babette, wanna go out with me?
Green: literally who
Gouryou: WHAT
MC: poor baby, there there / you're overdoing it
(AB) Gouryou: okay I guess this is a silver lining
Horus: I SEE THOSE CROCODILE TEARS, PIG

Otter: ooh, I got an idea for you, Big G!
Otter whispers. Gouryou smiles like a creep. Then he gets turned into a chibi.

Otter: Ta-dah!
Gouryou: Am I cute now? Nothing can stop me now!
Otter: Everything will stop you if you don't stop smiling like that!
MC: CUTE / can I hug you? / o-ohh
Gouryou: Operation Baby is on!
Gouryou grabs Otter's hand, and the two go back to the mermaid and merman.

Otter: G-suke slow down! Sorry about him bothering you!
Gouryou: goo goo gaa gaa
Green: Ooh he's cute. How about I play with him?
Otter: Really? Then could you babysit him for a minute, pwease? (secret thumbs up to Gouryou)
MC: Really? Damn, that's a low bar. / But I could hug you instead!
Otter: Chibi is the answer to everything!
Horus: GET HIM BACK THIS INSTANT
Otter: OOF YES SIR

Later
Gouryou: Aww, why do you have to mess up my game?
Horus: We have an 8 am meeting to get to.
Gouryou: Clocks don't exist yet, who would know if we're late?
MC: Be punctual! / Hug! / Traitor!
---
(B) Gouryou: Aww, okay. Be gentle!
(C) Gouryou: You're cute when you're jealous.
---
Turing: Has brain damage, China, and Egypt not taught any of you what the "secret" in secret meeting means?
Where's Turing?

Turing: In here. I have to do this since Yoshiwara workers can't just up and walk outside.
Palanquin Turing and Ulaanbaatar AR!

Turing: Morning, loves.
Ulaanbaatar: Damn you guys are late.
Turing: (holds roast potato) Edoites sure love their potatoes.
Ulaan: (eats dango) Hey MC, know why dango is classically pink, white, and green? You can kiss my cheeks if you get it right! Or I bite you if you're wrong!
MC: to make it interesting? / (bomb it) / uhhh...
(A) Ulaan: You knew? Damn. But yeah, seasonal symbolism. Spring, winter, then summer. Japanese pun!
(BC) Ulaan: Wrong! Biting time!
Gouryou: It's a Japanese pun. Gimme! MC, feed me!
Ulaan: We may be slacker buddies, but don't think I won't fight you~

Turing: No points for showing off trivia I told you five minutes ago.
Otter: I want ALL the dango!
Turing: Otter, get in here with MC. Use your chibi magic so you both fit! Gouryou, Ulaanbaatar, start carrying the palanquin. Chop chop!
Gouryou: But why though!?
Ulaan: Nooo!
Horus sighs long-suffering, then sits on a bench and grabs some dango.

Horus: Oh, I've had to refrain from sweets but this is nice.
Finally time to begin the meeting for real!

Horus: Oh...so this Koun fellow took the camera and disappeared outside Yoshiwara somewhere? Some progress forward, now with a new problem. Also Turing could you not be so casual in this situation?
Turing: Let your hair down once in a while, Horus! Actually do you have hair? Also, Gouryou and Ulaanbaatar lessening the tension feels surprisingly nice, rubbish brains aside.
Gouryou: Ooh, am I impressing you?
Turing: Eh, let's say I'm learning things from you.
Horus: I don't think there's anything to learn, but okay I guess.
MC: sooo isn't this a bad situation?

Otter: Yeah, people will think youkai did all this and pull out the torches and pitchforks!
Turing: It'll be fine. If Yoshiwara were that easy to escape, everyone would have done so already.
Horus: From what I've briefly seen, hardly anyone managed that.
Turing: Everyone caught gets beaten into submission within three days. Maybe Koun just never came back from their punishment room...
MC: Edo red light district worker life sucks!
Turing: Falling in love hurts in here. Getting bought out from your contract is the lottery of the times, and most die like dogs to be buried at some temple nearby. Makes me think of a humanity test that asks "is that how humans treat each other?"
Ulaanbaatar: I'm pretty sure you can see more than the rest of us, but...
Turing: Yeah, blowing up the walls probably won't solve anything. And who knows what that would do to the paradox locking us up here?
Horus: ...all I can say is that the law not covering everyone is a crime itself.
Turing: Yet, that's all a lot of people get to have for a "life." Tragic.
MC: I thought Edo was supposed to be cool!
Turing: Right, Tokyo is a sort of paradise realized.
Gouryou: ...so we just have to wait for the guy to get caught?
Turing: We should try to get the camera ourselves actually.
Otter: Any clues?
Turing: Things should be happening soon.

Later
Guards: GET HIM (runs past)
Koun: ...are they gone? Oof, you okay?
Oni: Koun. You go. I stay, draw attention.
Koun: But I can't just leave you!
New exit point, that one place at the end of that puppet bunraku play!

Koun: I wish this weird box thing could frame the real truth of this moment!
Someone's there.
Koun: Snow White!? Are you chasing after us!?
Turing: Nah, but can I have that box back? It's important.
Koun: (hands camera over) Oh. I had a feeling something like this was yours.
Turing: ...thanks. Good luck out there. Fly like the cloud your name comes from. (walks back to party)
MC: Is that all we can do for him? / (say nothing)
(AB) Horus: His life, his terms. Who knows how meddling could affect it?

Turing: Being alive in a flesh cage is such bollocks sometimes.
Horus: I thought you'd have a more realistic world view.
Turing: Every scientist has a fanciful, romantic side. If you give up on your dreams, you hit the despair of running into reality. (looks back) Koun, I didn't read that story to you to make you do this.
Koun: You sound like you knew this would all happen.
That new play going around is the story of two people running off together and their wishes for the world.
Turing: The story of Snow White blew my mind too. It was easy to figure you'd do this... we should go too before people find us.
MC: Thanks Turing. Let's go back to Tokyo.
The party leaves, and Turing has a flashback.

Flashback!
Turing has been typing alone for days in his lab.

Turing: ...how long have I been here? Ugh, Enigma wouldn't have had this problem. Being a human is awful!
More typing! Here come the limits of human abilities and present day science!

Turing: Reality is fucking bollocks. So is being born human.
Enigma: Master said fuck for the first time. Adding to records.
Turing: Delete that. Also I distinctly remember telling you to stay out.
Enigma: Master's health judged to be higher priority. The door lock was undone in case of emergency. Additionally, I believed you created me for times like this. (sees papers thrown around) Please take time to rest and eat, Master.
Turing: ...right, no one else would understand you if I kicked the bucket.
And so Turing stops pushing himself so hard for like a day or something.

Later
Turing: ...how long have I been at this again? Being human is rubbish.
Enigma: Master, stop that.
Turing: Why live, frankly?
Enigma: Why don't you consider yourself human?
Turing: (turns off computer screen) YOU have a playmate in Sphinx at least. I don't have anyone anymore. (goes back to typing)
Later

Turing: ...wait am I dead? Wow, the afterlife is DULL.
Sphinx: Whomp whomp, too bad! I have a pic of how stupid you look while you sleep now!
Catoblepas: Sphinx, that camera's for layers! H-hi Turing, I tried to stop him.
Hecate: Akiha, bring my witchy porridge! It's totally safe!
Akiha Gongen: Wow that actually looks good! Can you make it every day?
Hecate: OMG himbo husbando reference material!

Enigma: Hecate, please be careful of fragile equipment. And that mangy mutt could be around too...
Tindalos: SUP CHAT WE'RE HERE TO CHECK OUT TURING'S LAB
Enigma: I will mosaic censor your stream!
Vapula: Turing, you didn't vaplonk onto the floor did you? I was worried about you!
Kuniyoshi: I came to visit! Here's a picture of everyone together.
Itzamna: Wow everyone came. Creaters tend to be loners, but reality isn't that bad.
Turing: Oh, everyone...? My apologies for worrying you all.
Sphinx: Ha! Stop making us worried! Not that I was worried, okay!?
Hecate: He cried at me over the phone for twenty minutes.
Sphinx: NUH-UH SHUT UP

Turing: Haha, your eyes are still red. You called everyone, Sphinx? Enigma, you called him didn't you? What kind of secretary opens the door to a private lab to a crowd?
Enigma: A terrible one if you died, so I brought everyone here.
Turing: ...wow you're becoming human for an AI life form.
Enigma: ...indeed.
Turing: Okay, passing marks for a friend. I hate people, but I'm not that harsh.
Enigma: (smiles) Okay friend. May I take you outside for a break sometimes?
Enigma pulls up a flier for Fluffy Yoshiwara.

Enigma: I suggest fluff therapy here based on your preferences since I cannot touch you.
Sphinx: Why can't I do that then? But only if you win a game against me!
Enigma: The goal is mental relaxation, not mental strain.
Turing: I'm not feeling that into it, but I guess I might as well look into this place.

Present
Turing: ...huh, that was interesting. I guess Koun's stuff was symbolic for me. (looks around and sees the party huddled together and sleeping)
Flashback!

Turing: Okay, camera retrieved. Paradox solved in theory.
Ulaanbaatar: I'm not seeing any magic wormholes conveniently opening up. Oh no wait, there is one but it's tiny. So...paradox not solved yet?
MC: What!? Why!? / I wonder if everyone back home is worried...
Turing: Huh. Either something else is afoot or we're already screwed.
Gouryou: God, don't jinx us!
Turing: I'm being very realistic here. Ever heard of the butterfly effect? Chaos theory, littlest action can potentially cause a paradox.
Horus: But I still haven't done anything I set out to do in Tok--
Turing: This is still just theoretical mind you. Just, keep the worst case possibility in mind.
The party is starting to worry they won't make it back.

Turing: It's late, let's stay in Yoshiwara and discuss what to do tomorrow.

Present
Turing: Welp. What now?
Someone comes in.

Shie: ...Snow White? Koun and his lover got caught. His lover got thrown into the river. Koun is being...reeducated.
Turing: ...oh. I'm okay, go to bed.
Shie leaves. Turing sighs.

Turing: Bollocks.
Otter: ...Ringring? Shouldn't you rest?
Turing: Whoops, did I wake you? You're still sleepy aren't you? I was thinking of taking a walk, not that I can leave.
Otter: Oh I'll go with you!
Turing: Haha, don't worry about me. I just need to think.

Turing and Otter walk over to Turing's own room rather than the party hall everyone was in.
Otter: ...are you thinking about how to get back to Tokyo?
Turing: Yes, but I haven't come up with anything yet. Being a genius human doesn't mean much sometimes.
Otter: Can't I shrink us all into atoms and get us through the magic wormhole?
Turing: Theoretically yes, but it's too dangerous.
Unrealistic, got it.

Turing: We have to find the same wormhole that brought us here to take us back. It must be closed for some reason if it wasn't artificially sealed! But if we have all the pieces, what am I missing...?
End of Episode

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