Sunday, October 16, 2022

Akiba and Dragons Episode 5 Part 2 (Abridged)

The genius computer scientist Turing often FAILS despite his haughty manner, but he never cares about those feelings. He instead sees taking action on his own as an invitation to failure because that failure is the one thing that pushes his research forward. Failures reveal where your hypothesis is mistaken. They are the only things that guarantee that there is room for further development, so Turing knows what you should really fear is hitting a dead end and not understanding what your failures are. It's all trial and error and building off from that, so once you make your best, perfect work it's over for you. If there's no development, there's nowhere to go whether you be human, nonhuman, or a cyber entity that somehow isn't included in that second category.
Tindalos is another person who has hit a dead end. He has a power that lets him interact with reality from another plane of existence.

Tindalos: What's up everybody!? Starting today, you newcomers are also..."
Randos transform into Tindalos
Mobs: Tindalos! YEAAAAH!

Anyone he connects his tongue to across the screen turns into a minion he can use to access reality. Tindalos also livestreams from the net and stirs the pot to set the net on fire. But there's one thing he can't set on fire: himself. Nobody can really, since nothing that happens to the minions affects him as well. For someone who wants to blow everything up, not being able to do so with certain things really bugs him. That's a dead end for him. Of course, maybe Tindalos CAN hurt himself, but he never considered if that really means setting things on fire. It's just a self-contained sockpuppet that will go viral and spread around.
Tindalos Bro is an invader of fiction coming from reality. He is someone who can burn Tindalos up and someone who can hurt him...

Present
Tindalos and Bro: YEEEEAHH BOY! WE ARE TINDALOS!
MC: Whoa... / A clone!
Tindalos Bro: S'up, subscribers! I'm Tindalos Bro born from Tindalos, great meeting ya!
Tindalos and Tindalos Bro flash V-signs at the camera.

Tindalos: Yeeah, love that reaction guys! But he's not all looks, right Bro?
Tindalos Bro: YEEAAAH! Now let's start the show and discussion! So what's the address of the message I picked? Don't think I'll keep it under wraps!
The crowd cheers.

Tindalos Bro: Commemoration time! This one comes from Japanese Self-Declared John Doe who's complaining about a coworker getting in the way of their secretary work for no reason! Hmm, a workaholic! Thanks for all the work you do, whoever you are! If your work life sucks, let it all out! Second entry from...Japanese Self-Declared John Doe 2! "Don't bring in any more trouble, Guild Master"? Wait what, is this a game thing? A secret organization? Well sucks to be you, whoever you are! I hope you like social upheaval!
MC: ... / I can't think of that as someone else's problem / Lots of people like that, mon ami
(A) Zhurong: MC, why are you making a face?
MC is apparently covering Zhurong and Babe Bunyan's ears. Something is at least.

Babe: Tch, leave 'em alone Zhurong. It's tough being an adult.
(B) Turing: Food for thought as a group's organizer? But organizational theory says the louder someone is, the more they like a place and care about the boss. If you're curious, you should get them a souvenir as a thank you for their work.
(C) Kuniyoshi: Yeah I hear that a lot.
Hecate: I think that if you have servants, then you'll always have dissatisfaction in your position.

Enigma: I do not believe that is always a bad thing. An incompetent master is something a secretary should delight in. If there are no areas one is incompetent at, then there is no point in serving them. Superiors should be incompetent in some way.
Turing: :)
Tindalos: We call those people workaholics, Teddy.
Enigma and Tindalos: >:C
Vapula: Hey look guys lookatthestage! And have some water. It's important to vaprovide yourself with hydration when it's hot.
The sand dragon walks up in between Enigma and Tindalos carrying a drink tray.

Sand Dragon: Bark bark!
MC: Wow! Thank you, good boy!

Hecate: Thank you very much. You know, this boy is really smart huh?
Kuniyoshi: Yeah it's way more polite than all the other golems I've seen and it hasn't gone on a rampage.
Babe Bunyan: PFFFT. As a cowboy I call bull on the idea that it's a good boy because it didn't act out.
Vapula: I've been curious too. It's a vaproven fact that it's been a lot more stable than anything else so far. And the only thing I can think of is... MC, did you do something?
MC: Nah, he's always been a good boy. So maybe he's just well made?
Turing: Heeey what if people? What IF it just hasn't gone rampant yet?
Vapula: NOOO DON'T VAPUT US OUT LIKE THAT! Hmm...I got a lotta things I want to research after this is all over. It might only be for a summer, but would it be vapreferable if you lived with me for a while?
Sand Dragon: (excited chirping)
Vapula: Aww, haha! Okay okay, stop vaputing yourself around me like that!
Tindalos Bro: Okay, time for something bittersweet! "I'm interested in someone" it says. OOH! "Whenever I think of them, everything stops. My ascetic training goes into disarray. I want to find them right now and nail them." Wow, that's so old school! Okay next...
MC: (spits drink) / (oh no I know who that is) / (drops to knees)
(A) Vapula: EW GROSS WHAT

Hecate: W-what? It's like that? That's the Enemies to Lovers shipping type classic! EhhEEEHEHEHEHE! I need to know! MC, do you know who the writer and the person they're talking about is!?
Kuniyoshi: Oh my god, you can't just ask that!
Zhurong: Is MC okay? They started holding their head all of a sudden.
Babe Bunyan: Being an adult is tough...
Zhurong: Oh...maybe I should stay a kid a while longer.
Tindalos Bro keeps reading secrets aloud and (almost) everyone in the audience has no idea who any of these writers are. The crowd goes wild.

MC: It really feels like he's Tindalos himself. Now I can see him whenever.

Enigma: This event is the type to show off one's faults, but I understand it's necessary for society. I am happy to see my failsafe is working perfectly.
Tindalos: Boo, this show sucks! Well, it's doing okay for a test run. Next time it should really kick things up a notch like I do...
Tindalos Bro can apparently hear Tindalos and smirks.

Tindalos Bro: Now for the main part! The confessions I read are totally real! The guy who wrote is also real, and I know who he is!
Vapula: But there's supposed to be two layers of vaprotection to keep anonymity. Wait did he hack!? But then again Tindalos Bro could make it happen!
Tindalos Bro: Okay, I'm gonna read this message directly to who it's for!
People are shocked and appalled! Aside from the people who don't care or think this is a problem anyway. Lots of muttering from the viewers.

Hecate: Oh wow, my TL blew up! Tindalos Bro really IS setting the net on fire!
Kuniyoshi: I think he went overboard...
Vapula: That last vapost was almost whistleblowing!
Turing: If he's really going to do what he just said he'd do, that be huge. Sooo much chaos with relationships cracking up. The livestreamer's societal cracking! ...again, if he can do it.
MC: Maybe I should pretend not to see anything that shows hypothetically up
Tindalos Bro: ...
Tindalos Bro looks so happy up on the stage and everyone can see it.

Tindalos Bro: This is what I wanted to see, the answer I've always wanted. Okay, here we go--
Tindalos Bro has frozen up.
Tindalos Bro: Logic error. System reset. Behavior correction program Cryptograph analysis, starting. Restraints set. System rejection detected...rebooting.

Zhurong: Oh no, what's going on!?
Enigma: ...Failsafe activation detected. There seems to be a conflict of opinion with my adjustment program.
Babe Bunyan: Did you say cornflake and that he added onions to it
Turing: You know love, that actually wouldn't be too far off the mark. Tindalos Bro is suffering from food poisoning, sort of.
Tindalos: What, are Enigma's supplemental addition of a good boy part acting naughty?
MC: But the livestream itself worked. It was doing fine until it overdid that last bit, so is the problem with Tindalos's bit?
Tindalos: Uh...well I would have done that last bit if it were me. Damn Enigma, you did a bang up job in recreating my thought patterns!
Enigma: As a creator I would naturally seek perfection in my constructions...but no perfect program capable of calculating everything in this world exists.
Turing: Yep, that's been mathematically proven. Computers have interior parts that they can't prove their consistency.
Enigma: Which is why I put in a very simple system. If any guidelines are broken, it will be forced to restart. It was originally an added code to perfect things and protect individuals' secrets without perspective clashes. It's still far from perfect if it tripped up on this livestream though.
Turing: Well anyway, look at Tindalos Bro.

Turing points at Tindalos Bro. The syscheck has stopped and now he's quietly looking around. Then...
Tindalos Bro: Optimal solution acquired. Beginning task. HEY YOU GUYS, BEEN WAITING LONG!? [Please forgive the sudden interruption. There will now be a new event starting.] AIN'T NO ONE GETTING OFF THIS RIDE!
Vapula: W-wait what? Why is his vaperbiage a mix of Tindalos and Enigma!?
Tindalos Bro: And now it's time for an attraction you use your body in! [We will now start a hero show with audience participation.]
Tindalos sand copies start popping up!

Tindalos Minions: YEEEEEAAAH!

Tindalos: Hey, my minions. So Tindalos Bro made his own from sand?
Enigma: They seem to be based off Vapula's golems. It is likely they possess high battle capabilities.
Turing: Right, since the golem creation is based off written records instead of Vapula's power so he can do it with that data. And mass production is his specialty.
Tindalos Bro: [The rules are simple. Can you escape my sand minions?] If you beat them all, you jerks win! Anyone caught has to join in on the event that happens after this! By the way I blocked off the exits! [Unfortunately escape will not be permitted.]
Turing: Fascinating, a war game. A program going against its programmer? That's kind of exciting. The stream is still going on, so I suppose there's no choice.
Babe Bunyan: I got this, cuz cowboys are fighters! I'mma tell everyone at school what happened here!

Zhurong: I'm a little scared, but I'll do my best if everyone else is too!
Kuniyoshi: Oh god do I have to do this too? I'm just a doujin author, I don't do exercise!
Hecate: Really? You've never fantasized about doing something like this? You know, getting caught up in some weird extraordinary student war and going "ugh, FINE"!
Tindalos: Well that's what we did.
Enigma: We must suspend the system as soon as possible and modify it after a clean installation.
Vapula: Core's been vaput in the chest like usual guys!
Sand Dragon: (excited barking)
MC: Give 'em hell, boy!
The sand dragon starts getting bigger, and everyone gets ready to fight.

Tindalos Bro: Cool, [let us begin.] SHOWTIME, PEEPS!
BATTLE START (more happens after)

Turing: Hmm. Individually these sand minions aren't that strong...
Babe Bunyan: But there's so much sand around the douchebag can just make more!
Sand Dragon: *(GROWLING)*
MC: Let's blitzkrieg Tindalos Bro and take him out fast
Enigma: A very straightforward, brute force solution, but I shall assist with your incompetence.
Tindalos: Bro really is making a lot of work for us! Vapula, Enigma, clear the way!
Vapula: In that case, golem grand melee!
Vapula creates a wall that locks down the sand minions.

Enigma: Please work with me Tindalos. I will create an opening to access the system. Then--
Tindalos: Yeah yeah, I get the big idea! Move your ass!
Enigma: Interrupt command! Noble Phantasm activate!
Tindalos Bro: UGH! You put a backdoor in me!? [Situation comprehended. Solution impossible!]
Tindalos: It's been fun, but your turn's over! Werewolf Tongue activate!
Tindalos Bro crumbles into sand. Problem solved! Except...

Tindalos Bro: Too bad, my creators! [I thank you for falling for my lead.]
Tindalos Bro's voice is coming from far away. Another copy has formed on the sand stage.

Tindalos Bro: [Akihabara Academy system seized.] That means you guys and this play fight [have reached the end stage.]
Turing: Oh my, he's right. This floor can't access Akihabara Academy's system. He's still a copy but it's impressive he can use Tindalos and Enigma's specs so well at the same time!
MC: Having some urgency would be nice! / He did all that while he was attacking us!?
---
(BC) Enigma: Unlikely. Tindalos's attacks are not that simple.
Tindalos: Yeah, Enigma's walls aren't something you can just throw up on a dime.
Tindalos Bro: Ha! Good impressions, my creators! [The hacking began when I got on stage.] Then I just had to stall y'all for the last part! All [according to] plan.
---
Enigma: ...why? You have shown a contradiction in your inherent self-definition and thesis. It should be correct to call it a conflict between me and Tindalos. How did you avoid the error?
Tindalos Bro: Eh, who knows. [It is likely the infinite loop became a key.]
Enigma: Did you overheat? A program flaw skipped past my set failsafe...
Tindalos Bro: Man, who CARES? Right now I've got no conflict or ambivalence. I fused my two theses to make the optimum solution and now I can give the perfect answer! I'm gonna tell the secrets that can't be told [and protect the secrets that shouldn't be known. Watch] this!
A giant Tindalos Bro appears!
End of Episode

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