Wednesday, September 7, 2022

Akiba and Dragons Prologue Part 2 (Abridged)

Creators: WHAT
Akihabara student Vapula trundles up with a big bag under his arm.

Vapula: That's me! Akihabara 3D sculpting department student and model maker the vapublic's been talking about, Vapula!
Kuniyoshi: Oh it's you. You come here too?
Catoblepas: Oh, Vapula! Right now Akiha is over there--
Vapula: Oh hey! Excuse me vaplease. (uses his own body to push Akiha out of the way)
Akiha: (stares in silence)
Vapula: Okay first things first, you should vaplay around and get used to things and try making something before I teach you! Just do what I do and it'll be a vabreeze!
Vapula hops into a chair and sets things up.

Vapula: Space, check! Lights, check! Okay, let's vaput things together! (starts pulling things out of his bag without listening to anyone)

Catoblepas: He's not shy with how good he is at all. He really IS a genius...
Vapula: Here we go! (starts cutting and filing the lump of resin in front of him)
Akiha Gongen: Wow he's fast! That's as fast as Bataar-senpai when he's running off to slack off!
Vapula: Face done! Next on the vaplan is the eyes and scales! Do this and do that and... done with the vapolishing! Now time to paint!
Kuniyoshi: Wow, that's an exciting process to watch! Now I wanna make a furry sculpture too!
Catoblepas: Yes, I agree! I still have no idea what I just watched!
Vapula: Just a little more and it'll be done! Whatcha think?
Hecate: (stares in surprise)
Vapula has made a finished mermaid figure in like 10-20 minutes from start to finish like a video record of a how to make on fast forward!
Vapula: I wish I had a bucket of water now...
Akiha: I dunno why you need it, but I'll get it!

Akiha Gongen brings back a bucket of water.
Vapula: Thanks Akiha Gongen, that's vaplenty enough!
Hecate: Oh, the figure's done right? What's the water for?
Vapula: Heh heh heh... for your viewing vapleasure, the secret arts of my item creation skills! Behold, be amazed as this mermaid figure swims in the water! Abracadabra!
The mermaid figure starts swimming!

Vapula: Let's hear it people! Tell me how much of a genius I am! You can even pet my head if you vaplease!
Creators: ...
Vapula: U-uhh...
Hecate: Okay this is kinda awkward, but let me say something as another Creator. It's hard to put it into words but...
Creators: It's missing something...
Vapula: WHAT!? You see how realistic and--OH NO
Kuniyoshi: Vapula what's going on? Why is the figure suddenly--ack!
Vapula: B-b-b-but... hey, listen to me! Vaplease, I beg youuuu!
Akiha Gongen: Fire Fighter Grab!
Akiha grabs the mermaid figure and pulls it up. The figure then stops moving because Akiha Gongen's power is Fire Prevention, which works on actual fires and emotional highs and cuts them off.

Kuniyoshi: O-oh, it stopped. But what just happened? Was that your ability, Vapula?
Vapula: (speechless)
Catoblepas: Vapula's golem-making power, the ability to give temporary life to the lifeless.
Vapula nods.
Vapula: Yeah...golem making is my specialty. But for some reason, the golems I've been making lately have been going vapretty crazy. I keep thinking the next one will turn out fine, but then it keeps happening...
Kuniyoshi: Artist's block, huh? It tends to happen when you throw yourself into your work.
Akiha Gongen: I could feel it oozing with passion when I picked it up though. What could it be missing?
Vapula: The teachers gave me the same evapulations when I presented my work last month. But what am I missing!? Someone tell me straight to my face!

The model does look perfectly done, but it's true everyone else agrees that something's off. The Creators think it over before suggesting...
Hecate: Moe?
Catoblepas: Whatever ba-e is?
Kuniyoshi: Fluffy fur?
Vapula: THAT'S TOO VapulAGUE! Except for Kuniyoshi's idea because that one's just his fetish!
Catoblepas: Uh, Akiha? Why are you taking a picture of the mermaid figure?
Akiha: Well if we're getting outside opinions, I thought we should also ask her since she was just here too.
Literally seconds later.

Benten.txt: FEELS
Vapula: NOOO those are all too dependent on the viewers' impulessions!

Hecate: Huh. You know as a shipper, Benten's answer was fascinating.
Vapula: What? You see some sort of difference between feels and moe?
Hecate: Yeah! The order matters when it comes to pairings! Saying things in reverse has magical importance too you know! A-anyways, feels would be something people would say when they see good art, right? But moe stuff feels more like something only hardcore otaku say.
Kuniyoshi: The opposite of physical wildness would be emotional movement, right? But when things are calm, we say...
Creators: RIGHT IN THE FEELS!

Vapula: I sort of get and don't get it, but it has to do with emotions either way! I need something more logical and rational, like something out of a vapulaunted textbook!
Kuniyoshi: I'm like super, super pissed at the way Benten said it, but maybe she's on to something?
Akiha Gongen: ...so we should ask for the opinions of people outside of Akihabara?
Hecate: Getting a bunch of perspectives on something could be a good idea.
Vapula: Hmm...I guess I do want more outside opulinions...
Akiha: ...how about I ask one of my friends outside of our school?
Kuniyoshi: ...oh, are you talking about--
Catoblepas: Now that I think about it, they're coming to the event aren't they?
Akiha: I invited them, so I'm sure they will.
Catoblepas: R-right. Well I'm excited. We can introduce Vapula to them, and I want to cosplay with them...
Vapula: L-literally who? Someone?? Tell meee???
And that's how an adventure to find out what lies beneath the sands and feels in Akihabara.

Cyberspace
Enigma: Enclosed Area test program, execute. Drone launch confirmed. Spatial coordinates set. Pseudo-operation begin. Emulation, start.
Beeping fills the walled room.

Turing: Ahh, what a perfect recreation of the concept of tea. So Enigma, how's the rest of the invite arrangements going?
Enigma: I have opened a nanosecond hole in my defenses as you've instructed. It is a very obvious invasion point and I worry it will look like a trap...
Turing: That's exactly why they'll make an appearance knocking on the front door!
Enigma: Understood, guildmaster. Continuing to monitor the--
???: Hehehehe. Well aren't you two sharp! I dunno what you guys are scheming, but if you're leaving a gap for me to enter, then it's my style to stick my head right in it!
Enigma: ...a shameless intruder is requesting speech privileges. What would you have me do, Master?
Turing: Sure, let him have a bit of the voice connection and cameras.
Tindalos: HEY, thanks for the access! Now I can show myself! Okay everybody, let's all yell the title card together!
Title Card: Help Me, Magic Skill Sculptor
Turing: ...
Enigma: ...
Tindalos: SAY SOMETHING DAMMIT
End of Episode

 

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