Bygul (narrating): I'm from Planet OMO-1. I heard they might also call it Planet HEA-V in the next polling season? It's a chill place, but it also has like no culture. So I joined a cultural exchange program to bring something back, but also...
TV Actor: This space shootout sucked balls.
TV Actress: Thank you for saving my family, Space Wanderer!
TV Actor: Then stop making your family problems my business! Look after them so they stop getting into space shenanigans! Okay bye babe.
Bygul: OMG SO COOL
Bygul (narrating): I discovered anime and TV shows and my life has never been the same. So I decided I had to move to Earth, my holy land! ...but space is a harsh mistress.
Manager: Sorry Bygul, I can't stop you from getting fired anymore after you broke your fifth wall.
Bygul: I understand, thank you for having me. AAAHHH I JUST LOST MY EIGHTH JOB! I'm gonna die at the streets like this!
Bygul (narrating): Culture clash is especially tough when you don't have culture to begin with. Now I'm struggling with money.
Bygul: I need to find a new job soon and learn how to control my strength... this would be better if a hero agency hired me at least.
Bygul (narrating): Stress made control harder, which made me more stressed as things got worse. I gotta make it to the Hero Expo!
Title Card: Gotta Make You Healthier ASAP
Med Gadget: Beep boop, eye exam done. Please go down to the far right for your next exam.
Exam's going smoothly. MC goes as directed by their bracelet monitor thing.
Bygul: Oh! Um, hi again MC!
Barrel: Whoa, MC! Weird how we met up again! Guess it's just ID grouping or whatever.
MC: damn, you guys are in space prison uniforms / feeling like a criminal here / you two seem chill
---
(AB) Barrel: But you're wearin' the same thing.
(C) Bygul: ARE YOU IMPLYING SOMETHING???
---
Barrel: But yeah this is weird. This collar and bracelet is kinda heavy.
Bygul: And I think I've seen this uniform somewhere before.
Flashback!
Shidemasu: The uniform stripes are for measurement when you stand at a body scanner.
Shaft: And the gadgets are for internal body scanning? Why is it so tight?
Shidemasu: Rasalhague said it was for the plan or...something? But please understand it's for all examinations not including sampling and verbal discussions. Which may take some time.
Shaft: Yeah, one terminal has to handle at least a hundred people. My brain would shut down at that. But maybe this will be easier than a normal checkup? MC, let's go--oh, you have to go elsewhere?
Shidemasu: Huh, I didn't know there would be bracelets built like yours. Strange.
Present
MC: Welp, we're cuffed and in space prison uniforms.
Barrel: Oh well! Funny though, we were just talkin' 'bout you MC!
Bygul: Barrel told me you're a new Operator who's super good at it! Also that--
Barrel: WHOAWHOAWHOA heeeey Bygul, you haven't really told me about yourself, let's talk 'bout that instead
Bygul: Oh okay! I'm Bygul, a hero!
MC: Nice meeting you Bygul! / I'm not really super... / wait what, Barrel?
---
(B) Barrel: Sure you are! You're famous even outside UEHA Japan!
(C) Barrel: UHHH NOTHING
---
Bygul: Wow, you're a newbie too but you got so much done! I'm in a local agency and on probation so I haven't gotten much hero work so far.
Barrel: Apparently he moved from far away and can't find a day job?
Bygul: Oh, um. I found some, then messed up and got fired. Broke so many things...
MC: Huh. Different environment back home?
Bygul: It has stronger gravity than Earth, and I haven't gotten used to the difference to control myself...
Barrel: It happens! I got yelled at every day when I first started too...
MC: yeah, it happens / stop busting your gun out, Space American / damn, Gammei...
---
(A) Bygul: Wow, you too?
(B) Barrel: I-I know, but I wanna be a cool gun-totin' hero!
---
Barrel: Why'd you wanna move to Earth if keeping under control is so hard?
Bygul: Movies and anime! I got to come for cultural studies! My favorite show is Space Wanderer. I've even seen all the Exp. Univ stuff!
Barrel: Oh my god I love that show! All the cool gunfights! And the hero's catchphrase!
Bygul: Yeeeah! And the hero keeping his dead wife's picture in a pendant!
MC: the nerds are talking / what kinda show is that / hmm, sounds kinda cool?
Bygul: Anyways, I gotta get this exam done and find a real job so I can stay here! Meaning I gotta do well at the Expo!
Barrel: Oh that reminds me. Hey, MC! So earlier, Chief Okitaka...
Flashback!
Okitaka: W-what? Stop lookin' at me like that! I'm just old! So I knocked back a few drinks. S'all good! I'll be okay for next time!
Present
Barrel: He's so going to do it all again! I see him drunk at least half the time I patrol the bar neighborhood! He oughta take care of himself, especially if he is gettin' old...
MC: oh... / sounds about right / you sure care about him
---
(A) Barrel: I hope he stays fine! We all count on him!
(BC) Barrel: We all count on him, so we hope he stays fine.
---
beep beep
Barrel: Oh my gadget says I have to go now. Later!
MC and Bygul wait their turns.
Main Computer Room
Rasalhague: Begin the Program™.
Hallway
Barrel comes out a few minutes later.
Bygul: Oh!
MC: Hey Barrel, how'd it go?
Barrel: (frown)
Bygul: ...Barrel?
Barrel looks derpy for a minute before smiling.
Barrel: Health!
Bygul: !?
MC: what
Barrel: High blood pressure bad! Colds bad! Veggies good!
MC: Barrel WHAT
Bygul: Barrel, what's going on!?
Barrel: Bygul's reactive oxygen immune system!
Bygul: WHAT???
Barrel: Stress bad! Wait, what?
A bunch of wrestlers show up.
Red: Sufficient sleep!
Blue: Morning walks!
Barrel: Healthy breakfast!
Green: Health foods!
Yellow: Avoid food allergies!
MC: what
Red: wait
Sudden attention.
Red: Blue collars. Unhealthy!?
Bygul: Wait, we haven't even gotten tested yet!
Red: UNHEALTHY! MASTER SAYS GET THEM!
MC: WHAT
beep boop
The wrestlers transform!
MC: What!? Why!?
Bygul: Crap. MC, we gotta run!
Bygul carries MC overhead and starts running!
Barrel: Stop!
Mobs: RAAAAAH
Later
Bygul: Oh my god is this normal for big cities!?
MC: No! What's going on!?
Bygul: Well we can't be caught or else--oh
Dead end.
Barrel: There you are! Health education time! Gotta Make You Healthier ASAP!
MC: Barrel, what!? Wake up!
Bygul: ...MC, quick contract me! I'll need my Parallel Weapon to defend against him! I promise I won't hurt him!
beep beep
MC: Welp, guess we have to!
click
Bygul: Whoo, Zippy C is in the house! Out of the way!
MC: whoa! / so cool, Bygul! / what's the zipper for
---
(B) Bygul: Really? Thanks! ...wait, we gotta fight!
(C) Bygul: I-I'll explain later! Right now we gotta fight!
---
Barrel: Stop resisting!
MC: okay the cameras are working! Streaming network on! Now please somebody watch us!
Barrel: Become one of us!
Bygul: No??? Wake up already!
BATTLE START (more happens later)
Bygul: Bygul Punch!
Barrel: Haha, your knees are building up lactic acid!
Bygul: what? aah!
Barrel shoots at Bygul's feet! Bygul trips!
Barrel: Got you now!
Bygul: NOOOO HELP
Full nelson'd.
MC: Bygul, no! / Difference in experience!? / god I wish that were me
---
(C) Bygul: WHAT
---
Bygul: I got no choice! Sorry Barrel!
Barrel: Oof!
Gut punch! Bygul then picks Barrel up...
Barrel: wait what
Bygul: Kitty Slam!
Bygul throws Barrel right at a wall!
Barrel: AAAAAA--bweh
Barrel got plowed halfway through solid wall!
MC: OMG DID YOU KILL HIM?
Bygul: oopsie
Barrel twitches.
Barrel: What!? How'd I get stuck!?
Barrel's guns have locked him in.
MC: oh good / how thick is his head? / hmmmm
---
(AB) Bygul: maybe we should help him
(C) Bygul: Stop thinking whatever it is you're thinking!
---
???: What's all this noise!?
Several people approaching!
Bygul: We have to run!
Bygul picks MC up!
Akashi, Kyoichi, and Shaft: MC?
The three block the way!
MC: Guys!?
Bygul: You know all of them!?
Akashi: MC, you okay!? Did you make that noise?
MC: I-I'm okay. You seem fine.
Akashi: Damn, I take my eyes off you for five minutes. Stress bad.
MC: wait...
Akashi: Bathe one hour before bedtime for better sleep!
MC: damn / Not Akashi too!
Kyoichi: Cut down on snacks!
Shaft: Take breaks while working out.
Bygul: ZOMBIES!
Akashi: MC, your collar's blue? Unhealthy!?
Kyoichi: It's okay! Become one of us, health lecture!
Shaft: Please?
MC: Um, okay / this is messed up / I can't worry Akashi...
(AC) Bygul: MC, no
Bygul: Uh, don't think I can charge through. Um... oh! There's someone stuck in the wall! Maybe it would be healthier (i guess) to take care of them first!
Akashi: Wait, Barrel!? Goddammit!
Kyoichi: How'd that happen!? Okay fine, help him first.
Shaft: Bad posture for circulation!
The three grab Barrel's legs.
Akashi, Kyoichi, and Shaft: Pull! Pull!
MC: Pull!
Barrel seems stuck. Bygul sidles up to MC.
Bygul: Pull! ...I feel bad for Barrel but we should run now.
MC: R-right. Hope Barrel gets out okay, sorry guys...
MC and Bygul start sneaking away.
Bygul: ...now!
Zoom.
Akashi, Kyoichi, and Shaft: Pull!
Barrel: Oof! Ow, am I getting a blood clot!?
Akashi: Barrel you dumbass, your guns are in the way!
Kyoichi: Blood pressure risks!
Nobody notices MC and Bygul leaving.
MC: so they're still good guys, just health nut zombies. Hope we can cure them.
Meanwhile, in the lobby
Red: Body warmth immunity!
Shidemasu: Oh my, you need to calm down. I suggest the floor.
Red: Aaaaah!
Shidemasu judo slams a charging wrestler!
Red: Meditation benefits! Join us!
Shidemasu: Pass, thank you.
Red: OOF! Mindfulness...
Shidemasu backhand chops and kicks Red into a wall!
Shidemasu: Oh, that's everyone. How horrible.
Shidemasu fixes his tie as he leaves a pile of KOed health zombie heroes. Then he pulls out his phone.
Shidemasu: Hmm. No connection. And no response from Rasalhague. What could be happening?
Shidemasu looks at the red glowing collar and bracelet on a KOed hero.
Shidemasu: The chains are new. The bracelets were made before the examinations, so...
Thinking Shidemasu.
Shidemasu: I need more intel. And to protect my customers.
Shidemasu picks his bag and walks off.
End of Episode
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