So like Enigma just popped out of the internet one day. He's some data conglomeration beyond human understanding. He's an AIDA. And he can think so much faster than you. So how DOES he get defined as a data life form? Let's ask Turing!
Turing: Well it's very simple, loves! The big sticking point is whether he can cross the bounds of human cognition. Humans can't consider anything that can perfectly predict the future as an equal. Give some money to a machine and it's probably going to dump a toy on you. Give money to a person and hello, what's going to happen here? If someone can guess everything that happens in a given interaction with A Thing, then that Thing isn't worth paying attention to as it is a tool and not a person.
So Enigma is superior to people in various ways, but humanity has something he doesn't.
Turing: That's the ability to take responsibility for things. Transients from other world Systems get that, but not him! Since Enigma was barfed out of computer data, Tokyo legally and colloquially considers him some program tool. How stereotypically droll. I mean, Enigma might as well be a Transient from System Tokyo. But you know how cause and effect goes. Modern society is all about something having to take responsibility, and no one believes Enigma can do it. If he shoots someone, the one who told him to do it gets blamed. No responsibility means no borrowing allowed. No marriage either. Can you believe it?
Present
MC: OMG SO MANY MOUNTAINS
Team Shinjuku has never seen any of this before! A bunch of overworld shift singularities are moshpitting it up in the mountains!
Enigma: Technojargon scanning...complete. File formatting, compressing data... connecting to server... connection failed. Retrying...retrying... connection established on the 13th try.
MC: How can you work at a time like this!? / would it kill you to play along / uhhh, competency!
(AB) Enigma: Currently busy. I shall leave the reactions to the incompetents.
(C) Enigma: Why yes, I am. Now keep the compliments coming, caveperson.
Himavat: ...your thoughts, Enigma?
Enigma: Yes I am getting to that, Setagaya Club Captain. So I've detected unnaturally large radio wave interference from the plot singularity and connection levels are degrading rapidly. Measurements seem likely to be restricted to short range.
Tanngrisnir: Hmm. Those clouds...
Strange airflows.
Tanngrisnir: Headmaster Ded felt worried about them.
Zao: Is that storm bringing the mountain's network down?
Enigma: Unknown, but highly likely.
Himavat: (stares)
MC: There's a network up here? / aren't we supposed to be in an enclosed space? / Enigma, were you doing this earlier?
Andvari: We have intranet up here like a respectable tourist trap! It ain't connected to the outside internet tho, but it's still a HUGE problem if it's down! But here we are. The public ain't even ride the ropeway yet either.
Durga: Damn. Cool view though.
Andvari: Yeah. But too dangerous to be showing.
Enigma: Additional problem report: life signs detected within anomalous region.
MC: How's that a problem? / !! / what
(C) Enigma: Their origin is unclear.
Enigma: The area is currently isolated from the outside via mysterious weather phenomena, so scanning from the outside is impossible. Scanning may be possible if the barrier is broken or the majority within outstrips Tokyo. How it may affect the outside is currently unpredictable, but severe disaster is possible.
Himavat: (stares)
Enigma: I suggest we pull back and martial an army to deal with this situation.
Casual Enigma.
Himavat: I see...how smooth.
Enigma: ...wha--
Zao: (stares)
Bigfoot: Everyone, thinking something. What wrong?
Zao: I guess the rest of us are on the same page? Bigfoot, just watch us as we do a group yell!
Chernobog, Durga, and Zao: 1... 2... 3!
MC: Let's go check it out! / We got mountains! / Zao's the best!
(C) Zao: ...wait what
Bigfoot: !?
Enigma: !?
Enigma: ...did you not understand my explanations?
Andvari: Yeah, what the hell are you guys thinking!? If the singularity got into my resort then... then...that'd be SO COOL! It'll be a great tourist spot!
Enigma: Excuse me???
Andvari: Okay I was worried at first, but maybe this can make me some money....
MC: Welp! There goes the man who turned Bald Mountain into a hot springs resort. We got this!
Himavat: Zao, a question. Why do you guys think you should do this?
Zao: The mountains tell me to!
Himavat: ...well okay then!
Enigma: You are all incomprehensible.
Himavat: Do you plan on making everyone stop then?
Enigma: I cannot. I am here to help the investigation.
Himavat: ...okay. So what do you want to do?
Enigma: I...want to help humanity with what they can't--
Himavat: If you call that work, you suck at this.
Enigma: EXCUSE ME!?
Himavat: Okay so you get points for your comms specialty, but work's about taking responsibility. The rest of your team's cleared a bunch of mountain hikes. Zao took responsibility. Your thinking is logical, but logic alone won't get you to the top.
Enigma: ...!
Zao: why does he know so much, Kouhai I'm scared
Chernobog: Himavat reminds me of someone...
MC: Zao is to Himavat what mountains are to Zao.
Durga: Wow...
Zao: Oh! Is that a compliment?
MC: Yes / Not really
(A) Zao: Finally you get it!
(B) Zao: Would it kill you to be nice to me!?
Tanngrisnir: Himavat, you should stop it at that point.
Enigma: ...Tanngrisnir?
Tanngrisnir: Everyone has their sore spots. Teams are all about covering for each other there, no?
Himavat: I disagree but I'm not going to argue any further.
Enigma: ...why did you cover for me, Tanngrisnir?
Tanngrisnir: ...I just think it's nice to have multiple ways to the top.
Enigma: ...oh. I apologize then.
Xi Wang Mu: Oh look we're near the top. Can we keep going, Andvari?
Andvari: Not on the ropeway! Get to walking people, good luck out there!
Later
Durga: Huh. I can't see the Plot Thing anymore that we got off the tram.
It looks like a single mountain instead of a mashup singularity now.
Chernbog: May I ask you a question, Enigma?
Enigma: By all means, I will answer if I can confirm your incompetency.
MC: Are you suddenly nicer? Oh wait, no not really. / Stop being an ass to Chernobog!
---
(C) Chernobog: That's very kind of you, MC, but I've lived through worse on Bald Mounntain.
---
Chernobog: So the president and I have come here often, but we've never seen what we saw before on the tram. Why is that?
Enigma: I only have theories, but the simplified version is that you normally saw the mountains from a different vantage point.
Durga: what
Enigma: Do you not know what overworld shifts are?
Chernobog: (stares)
Enigma: Master MC, you must know. You run into one every other month.
MC: Uh yeah, I think / PTSD!
(C) Bigfoot: That many? Really? Oh. Big oof, MC.
MC: In retrospect I don't think we ever saw it from that high before.
Enigma: Yes. You can see what the original memory holders could see if you were at their same position. Perspectives change even if people look at the same thing, which I hypothesize is why the layers are different.
MC: what? oh.
Chernobog: So entering by foot is different than entering by tram?
Enigma: Yes, though I am unable to ascertain its significance.
Durga: Too hard for my brain. Can we talk about something else?
Bigfoot: Okay. Where are we?
Zao: Hmm, based on this compass and my calculations...
Tanngrisnir: I believe we're on the eastern path. The sightseeing path is to the north.
Kumano Gongen: I get charcoal wood here. Most tourists don't come around here.
Chernobog: But the path is maintained. Is something around here?
Tanngrisnir: Hey I see a sign...
Suddenly a chapel!
Party: WHAT
MC: WHAT / awesome, captain!
Zao: How wonderfully complementary!
Durga: Let's go inside!
Chernobog: Yes, for the investigation!
Kumano Gongen and Enigma: Hmm...
MC: What?
Belphegor: OH MY GOOOOD I HAVE TOO MUCH TO DO
Tanngrisnir: Wow he's fast.
Chernobog: Excuse me, may we ask you something?
Belphegor: Oh, gimme a second! Ahem, welcome to the Capitoline Hill! For all your wedding needs! What brings you here?
MC: This is a real chapel? / what / So who are you, fluffcheeks?
Belphegor: Oh my god I smell MUSK! Oh wait I'm working. Ahem, I'm Belphegor, an intern and planner. Whatever your wedding plans are, I'll help you make them!
Xi Wang Mu: Weddings? In mountains? Kids these days!
Bigfoot: Home, something similar. Responsibility contract.
Enigma: (stares)
Belphegor: EUREKA! I need to tell Claude about my new wedding idea!
MC: wait what
Snow: Belphegor, what is going on? ...oh, I see now.
MC: Snow!
Enigma: (gasp!) A real butler!
Snow: Yes. I am Snow, and I serve the Berserkers guildmaster. Claude manages this place as part of his wedding business, and this one is based off one of the hills of Rome. Very auspicious, so construction is being expedited. So MC, what brings you here?
Later
Claude: Well hello my fine hero! Fate works in mysterious ways. Choose your wedding attire!
MC: welp / I'm busy now / you have a wedding business?
Claude: Indeed. I started by ordering all manner of outfits and suddenly I went and started buying a whole business. Life works in mysterious ways.
Snow: By the way, the rental outfits are Claude's own property.
MC: rich people are aliens
Himavat: Lots of students find their calling during school.
Himavat seems to direct his comment at Zao for a second.
Himavat: That happens a lot in our school at Setagaya.
Claude: Anyways, let's talk about the event plot again. Behold!
Snow gives Enigma an envelope.
Enigma: What!?
Claude: Our own local area investigation results. Or part of it.
MC: giv pls
Claude: I'm open to negotiations.
Enigma: Hmm...
Enigma connects to the network.
Enigma: I think I will just hack into your cloud data and--wait I can't find it!?
Shocked Enigma for once!
Enigma: It's analog only!? In this day and age!?
MC: So you need to physically jack in?
Claude: Pffft. A wedding ceremony should be witnessed in person rather than streamed!
Enigma: Maybe, but that denies the point of my existence!
Enigma actually sounds a little upset.
Claude: Fighting it out is all well and good, but I have a better idea!
MC: Enigma, let's hear him out. So what's your better idea, Claude?
Enigma: ...understood. What do you propose?
Belphegor: I NEED HELP RUNNING THINGS
Party: (stares)
And that's how teams Shinjuku Wandervogel and Setagaya Mountaineering became venue workers.
End of Episode part
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