Wednesday, March 20, 2024

Oedo Christmas Episode 3 Part 2 (Abridged)

Once upon a time, many moons ago, Gouryou actually got with a woman.
Flashback!

Gouryou: (beats up nameless mobs) How come so many weaklings can't tell they're outmatched? I mean I hide my power levels all the time but still. Okay babe, run along now before they bug you again. Wait, you have me to guard you? Ooh, am I being hit on by a girl~?
This is the part where Gouryou gets slapped. But not this time!

Gouryou: ...wait, really? You know I'm dirt poor, right?
Gouryou (narrating): She smiled at me and my heart went doki-doki! And that's how I met my wife Mao Er Jie.

Later
Gouryou: Wow you cook good. Why pick me anyway? I got strong yin, but there's plenty of strong yao guai out there.
Gouryou (narrating): Er Jie would tell me I'm too hard on myself and points out my good side. Like how nice I am.
Gouryou: ...that's cuz you don't know what I was like before. I fell pretty hard from being an elite and now I'm some pig.
Gouryou (narrating): Er Jie called me irreplaceable. My life's been a mess since my fall, but things are different this time.
Gouryou: Fiiiine you win. No one in heaven's like you.
Gouryou (narrating): And then we got married. She never asked about my past. It was a happy married life! ...but then the world turned out to be a huge dick about it!
Gouryou: Noooo!
Gouryou (narrating): Er Jie got super sick!
Gouryou: You wouldn't leave me for real, right?
Gouryou (narrating): Er Jie said she was happy we were together in one of the few times she was awake.
Gouryou: nO
Present

Gouryou: (bolts upright) DON'T LEAVE ME
MC: Whoa what!?

Gouryou: (hugs MC) ...you're okay. Good.
MC: OOF / You got stabbed! / Thanks
---
(A) Gouryou: Tee hee, did you nurse me? Nice.
(BC) Gouryou: Ow. Oh well, I did the manly thing by saving a babe.
---
Gouryou: Sooo where are we?
Tadatomo: I wish I got nursed by my l--I MEAN you're better now, so get out so the shogun can look after me!
Gyoubu: (grabs Tadatomo) The withdrawal symptoms are real with this one.
Tadatomo: DON'T YOU STOP ME GYOUBU
MC: I'll pay attention to you later mkay / welp / quiet!
Gouryou: Who ARE you guys?
Gyoubu: Oops. I'm Inugami Gyoubu. This is Shogun MC's head oniwabanshu Inuyama Dousetsu Tadatomo.
MC: welp

Gyoubu: Shogun, it's time for your lessons.
Tadatomo: And then we have pet dojo training!
Gyoubu: And so much paperwork you let sit.
MC: HELP
Gouryou: Uh, is this MC's room? What do I do?
Gyoubu: ...eh, you can be MC's servant.
Tadatomo: But they have ME!
Gyoubu: You're already their head ninja guard.
Tadatomo: ...fine. You better work your ass off for milord, new guy!
Gyoubu: Don't be late, MC.
Gyoubu and Tadatomo leave.

Gouryou: ...welp, it's not all bad if we can't get back to Tokyo.
MC: ...we're going back. / You ARE going to listen to me, right?
---
(A) Gouryou: Yeah. Just in case, I mean.
(BC) Gouryou: Ooh you gonna give me the sexy kinda orders?
---
Gouryou: Good luck with the paperwork.

Later
Gyoubu: ...huh, I thought you were skipping out of work before. Did you actually go outside to learn more?
MC: Sorta? / I'm a genius / (thank your school teachers)
Gyoubu: You'll be caught up in no time then. I'm glad you're safe, since it was a shock when you put out that law about love for fluffy fur.
MC: wait what / I want a prize for working hard!
---
(C) Gyoubu: Haha, whatever you want later.
---
Gyoubu: Okay time to call it a day here. Tadatomo will be waiting for you.

Later
Tadatomo: When did you get so good at the sword? It's like you're someone else now.
MC: (Because I am) / (He fights just like the Tadatomo I know) / You have time to talk in a fight?
Tadatomo: I'm so glad we can spar like this! It was so hard having to hold ba--I mean, nothing.
MC: (huh) / (Maybe I should have gone easier) / Give me something for doing good!
---
(AB) Tadatomo: No holding back!
(C) Tadatomo: Y-yes of course! But please let us continue this sparring for now!
---
Later again

MC: Oof, being shogun is hard.
Bath time! Also Gouryou is here with pre-dinner drinks.

Gouryou: Heyo. Want me to wash your back?
MC: Nah, you stay outside the water. / (threaten him) / Get in
---
(A) Gouryou: Oh okay.
(B) Gouryou: Kidding. Call me if you need anything.
(C) Gouryou: Oh yeah I will. Being a shogun's servant ain't all that bad!
---
Gouryou: Night's still young!

After dinner
Gouryou: Hey MC, time for bed huh? I'm gonna be guarding you. As your servant I'll do whatever you tell me to~.
MC: Stay in the next room over / counting on you if anything happens / come here
---
(AB) Gouryou: 'kay. Go to bed, there are actually people coming after you you know.
(C) Gouryou: Ooh, here I come~!
Gouryou almost pushes MC over but stops.

Gouryou: You could stand to be a little more on guard
MC: You were never gonna do it though.
Gouryou: Heh, you talk like you know me. But this reminds me of old times so thanks. Go to bed already.
---
And so nothing happens. Except of course not. Here's the rest of the party!

Turing: Good evening love, we're here to help. Good job not dying back there.
Horus: Ruling suits you, Uncle! Okay, let's get out of here!
Gouryou: Hey guys, time to go eh?
Turing: Wow you got used to this life quick. Had a high life you never told us about?
Otter: Hurry up and get ready to go!

Later
Gouryou: You guys got here fast.
Ulaanbaatar: Horus kept bitching to us to hurry up.
Otter: I'm glad you two are okay! Also wow, MC is a shogun?
Gouryou: I was stabbed!
Horus casts Heal on Gouryou!

Gouryou: Thank you for looking after Uncle.
Horus's left eye and cane were originally believed to have healing magic.

Gouryou: I did it for me, but thanks anyways.
Horus: Please keep tanking for Uncle. If you die, I'll take you on as a servant.
Otter: Me too then! I don't mind being a mummy!
Gouryou: Hell no! I'm not working for forever!

Turing: On another note, I truly am glad you two are okay. The town's in a right tizzy, what with all the racial blood feuds popping up. The youkai are after you, MC.
In this world, there are two kinds of youkai. Those who chose to keep themselves secret and those who want to live out and proud. The former want to live among humanity without revealing their youkainess. The latter want to bump MC off to make a new world order.

MC: Why can't we just all get along? Can't I just make an order for that?
Turing: Reminder love, we're trying to avoid using our artifacts as much as possible.
Otter: But people are fighting on the streets!
Turing: We're outsiders. Are you planning on staying here? Saving someone could make someone else die. You okay with being responsible for that?
Otter: B-but...
BOOM

Ulaanbaatar: Well shit.

Edo is on fire!
Turing: ...is this the Great Fire of Meireki?
Gouryou: Uh, is that bad?
Turing: This might be that one fire that killed a lot of people in Edo.
Giant quake!

Horus: What now!? Uncle, get behind me!
Some metal ball is flying towards the castle!

Horus: Otter!
Otter: Got it!
Otter uses his artifact to cast Shrink on the cannonball!

Otter: Okay we're good! ...ish. What now tho?
Ulaanbaatar: Yeah, do we just let that fire burn?
Turing: The Trolley Problem, eh? Well... we're from present day Tokyo so everyone here is dead to us anyways and trying to interfere could make it worse. Then again, we could still help keep casualties down if we risk dying ourselves. What do you think, MC?
MC: uhhhh / I have to help them / I want to go back to Tokyo
(A) Turing: This may be harsh, but not doing anything can be the same as abandoning the people. But I'll respect your decision since we're still people.
(B) Horus: ...how naive, but then again you ceded your victor's seat to me. Okay, I'll help you Uncle.
Otter: Wait, really!? Even if we can't go back?
(C) Turing: It's not like we'll die if we can't go back, but everyone back in Tokyo might as well think we're dead. Kind of sad...

Gouryou: ...hey, you guys mind if I start talking about my backstory now?
Flashback!
Gouryou: What do you MEAN Er Jie dying was her own fault!?
A bodhisattva or someone high up from Heaven came to tell Gouryou that Er Jie died of past life karma when he asked why she went out like she did.

Gouryou: My wife got fridged for something that wasn't something she even did!? Why!?
Bodhisattva says such is fate. Speaking of, Gouryou is fated to go with the priest Sanzou, otherwise known as Xuanzang, no matter how many reincarnations it took.

Gouryou: What? ...you can't come back to life since you aren't a buddha, right?
Gouryou attacks Bodhisattva! It never even got through...and that's how Gouryou came to Tokyo.

End of Episode

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