Hermes (narrating): I didn't lie. I really did just want a little excitement at first. Been like that for a while. At school I'm a good boy. After school I wander around to get info and do outside work. At night, I busk then find somewhere to crash. Sometimes I even play Robin Hood on other con artists with a little Deception and Sleight of Hand. So easy I could sleepwalk through it. Then Tajikarao and Oogami started following me around. And I got to know the Wanderers. And I got a so-so job at Cafe Asterism. Would they be annoyed if I said as much to them? Maybe just a bit.
Hermes (narrating): Not that that's bad, but I'm freaking out a little. My whole thing is being a homeless bum no one can catch. And being dashing and roguish and being swooned over. But what if I change forever?
Hermes (narrating): Maybe I'm just tired. Then I found that flyer from Toyosu about the event, which sounded cool, so I researched Aegir. He's some treasure hunter who doesn't care about money, so I figured I get some good cash if I joined in. I also found out about the assassins and watchers beforehand, so I could just bail if I had to. Then I messed up by not looking up who would be participating. There's MC, who knows what I am, and all those other people who DON'T know what I am. Whatever, I can always bail by myself. Or, I thought I could...
Present
Hermes: Holy shit!
Storms near the destination island!
Ashigara: It was clear literally five minutes ago!
Volkh: I've heard such things were possible, but it's even worse in other worlds. All hands on deck!
Sitri: Oh my god, the rudder won't work here!
Ashigara: Dammit, why couldn't a pro like Ahab be here!?
Big waves are hitting the ship!
MC: Oh no, we're screwed!
Hermes has a sudden idea!
Hermes: Wait, Aegir's ring! Everyone, gather around MC and tie ropes to each--
Wave crash!
Party: AAAAAA
Everyone falls overboard!
Later
???: Hey MC, wake up!
MC wakes up and first sees...
MC: Makara? / Reprobus?
---
(A) Makara: Hey MC, you're up. Relax and warm up first.
Reprobus: Right, Temp Master. I stopped the shipwreck, so you rest for now.
(B) Reprobus: You awake now, Temp Master? I stopped the shipwreck. You can rest on my shoulder for now if you need to.
Makara: Right, you should warm up for now.
---
Storm's gone, MC's clothes are drying. Everyone's okay and on some new island or whatever now
Ashigara: MC! I thought you were deeeead!
Hermes: Yeah, that was pretty close...
Sitri: I blame the playboys!
Volkh: Thank you again Makara, Reprobus. Also why are you here?
Reprobus: Event temp work. Specifically shipwreck rescue. Aegir ordered us over here.
Makara: Too bad my swim techniques didn't help you. So we brought you to the nearest island and the storm luckily went away.
MC: Thanks. But also, does that mean we're at the destination island?
Alberich: Wait, that's right!
Reprobus: Well this is the destination, wherever it is you're going. Me bringing you here guarantees that... why are you making that face, MC? Oh! No worries, I didn't get hurt carrying you. I'm just that good.
Alberich: At last, the gold is mine! Maybe! Ahahaha!
Ashigara: Wait, were are you going!?
Hermes: ...okay we can catch up quick if we have to, but should we?
Makara: Okay we're gonna go now. Good luck on the treasure hunt!
Reprobus: I'm glad I could help. Call me if you need me.
Makara and Reprobus wander off.
Volkh: ...so I suppose Aegir is watching out for our safety?
Sitri: How's he watching us though? Bugs? I thought they don't work with him outside the Singularity.
Hermes: He might have someone watching us, like in the sky.
Sitri: What? ...you know something, don't you?
MC: A lot of somethings, I bet.
Hermes: ...I just keep my ears to the ground.
Ashigara: You guys, Alberich just ran off somewhere!
Hermes: Welp, guess we better go after him.
Later
Alberich: I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING! How can this be!?
Ashigara: Whatever, I'm hungry. But we lost the ship though, so there goes all our supplies.
Sitri: Too bad Makara and Reprobus didn't leave something for us... I don't see any fruit around and we don't have fishing tools.
Volkh: I do have hunting skills, but I don't sense any game... ugh!
Alberich: If only I had my magic horn! It could give us food and drink if we needed it, maybe! But what do I have now...?
Hermes: Welp. Isn't the pattern for this plot some assassins giving us clues? We could wait, but how long could we last...?
Ashigara: Oh god I'm hallucinating already. Something's right there...
Sitri: No there isn--oh my god there is!
It's a couple of vending machines!
Hermes: (stares) ...welp.
Alberich: Oh my god it's a vending machine from FF7R!
MC: WHAT / So, Hotei? / why are there two of them
Ashigara: OH MY GOD FOOD
Volkh: No, stop! It must be a trap! Or a hallucination!
Ashigara: GIMME
Sitri: Wait, the vending machines are running away!
Silly chase scene! A vending machine trips over a root!
Vending Machine: Oh no!
Ashigara: I HAVE YOU NOW (grab) GIMME
Vending Machine: W-wait, I'm really a person!
Ebisu comes out.
Ashigara: WHAT
Vending Machine B: Welp, cat's outta the bag now!
Hotei pops out too.
Hermes: I hate myself for seeing this coming.
MC: Hotei! / Ebisu? / I can't even
(A) Hotei: Yay MC, ya finally came to see lil ol' me!
(B) Ebisu: Hi MC. Sorry you had to see me like that.
Ashigara: Where's my food!?
Alberich: Vending machines sell people too? I feel like I know these things from somewhere.
Hotei: Hey y'all, it's assassin time!
Ebisu: Aegir and Hotei made me do this...
Volkh: MC, you know these clowns too!?
Hotei: Hey Hermes, face me.
Hermes: Why me!?
Volkh: You know him too, Hermes? Strange coincidence.
Hermes: Not really? He's just some guy I saw once on the streets!
Hotei: Guildie, why you gotta be like that to a fellow bum!? I just want you to have some real laughs! So, it's time for a gag off!
Rest of Party: WHAT
Hermes: And this is why I'm stuck with the Wanderers. It's nice we don't do formalities but no one really cares about anyone else's plans.
Hotei: Ya ready to laugh your ass off!?
Hermes: Leave me outta your comedy routine! You just wanna make me have a music battle against an amateur for your performance schtick, don't you!?
Sitri: Wow, even Hermes gets ragebaited?
Hotei: Huh. Maybe we should split the diff.
Hermes: what
Hotei: Rap battle!
MC: what
Hermes: I guess that works???
Sitri: Help, the storm broke Hermes's brain!
Hotei: Cool! Hey big guy, be our judge!
Ashigara: what?
Hotei: Push the button on this boombox and raise the roof. (hands it over) Okay, show time people!
poof
Sitri: Ashigara's dressed like a rapper now!
Alberich: Ooh, a Quick Change skill?
Ebisu: why am I even here
Ashigara: ...yo.
Shocked party!
Ashigara: Gimme yo sick beats, gotta hit it on the streets yo!
Sitri: WHAT
Hermes: No wait, keep cool guys! Don't get swept up by Hotei!
MC: or...? / Wow, Hotei has your number? / YO
Hotei: At last my time has come! Let's throw some bars, yo!
BATTLE(?) START (more happens after)
Hotei: Yo guildie, why you gotta be so cold? Always wanna make you smile, but you keep me away by a mile!
Hermes: (Goddammit, it seems he's getting all in my business! Might be too unintentional in tipping my hand, but I gotta do it!)
inhale...
Hermes: Nah we cool man, it's all real good! But peeps gettin' in my grill just brings down my mood!
Hotei: Oh yo man, so it be like that? S'all good homie, respect fo' you bringin' it to the mat! But I still wanna see ya, past, present, and fyuchaa!
Alberich: Ooh, poetry!
Volkh: It kind of is. Is Hermes doing it Olympus style? I wonder what Volos would think.
Sitri: Am I the only one thinking this is all dumb!?
Hotei: Slammin' down my puns is my idea of fun, but why don't I spread things out some? Okay Ebisu go!
Ebisu: WHAT? uhhhh, y-you always drag me onto the boat, so now I'm a pro at going with the flow? Oh god I suck at this!
Ashigara: Me next! You wanna go with me at sumo? Then I'mma never gonna let you go! Marry me, and I'll make ya happy, you'll see!
Sitri: Wow, Ashigara's actually kinda good at this!
MC: (rap) / (clap) / (foot tap)
(A) Hotei: Haha, you and Ashigara are gettin' into this MC!
(B) Hotei: Sweet beats, Ashigara!
Hotei: Okay lock in, Hermes!
Hermes: Ugh, fiiiine! You're a dick for putting me on blast, so don't go thinkin' this is something you'll slide past! Pick a god and pray, 'cuz I'mma get you one of these days!
Pressured Hermes
Hotei: Pffft, HAHAHA! Mkay, I lost!
Ashigara: Ayoooo?
Hermes wins(?)!
Hermes: (I won...but at what cost?)
Sitri: That was super lame...and yet I sorta think better of Hermes now?
MC: Welp / damn, Hermes / I wish Tajikarao could've seen this
Hermes: ugh, whatever I'm too tired for this shit.
Volkh: The art of poetry is truly profound.
Alberich: Tokyo is full of new wonders!
Sitri: What's wrong with you people!? ...in hindsight, that sumo match against Yasuyori and Takeminakata was the most normal kind of roadblock we had to pass. It was dumb, but it was still a physical challenge! ...I wonder if Ikutoshi had to deal with this kind of stupid stuff too?
MC starts thinking...
MC: (think of Ikutoshi) / (think of Gunzo) / (think of Tetsugyuu) / (think of Motosumi)
---
(A) Ikutoshi: ...so this isn't that different from being in Ikebukuro. This being an actual team thing shakes it up though.
Several days earlier...
(B) Gunzo: Oh god there's four of them this time! It's the attack of the furries!
Several days earlier...
(C) Tetsugyuu: Cool, four attackers now! Double from last time! So if this keeps up, next time we have... uhh... whatever, come at me bros!
Several days earlier...
(D) Motosumi: Can we just wrap this up so I can get home faster? Not that I'll say no to anyone wanting to throw down!
Several days earlier...
---
Macan: Yeeeeaaah!
Nomad: ugh, this sorta thing is what most of us Berserkers just call fun. I'm just here for the money though, no hard feelings.
Garm: Play time! And food!
Bathym: Kinda wish I was doing this with Sitri but oh well. Ikutoshi is fine too.
Ikutoshi: Why ARE you here anyways?
Bathym: I have the soul of an entertainer! Also seaside town vacay!
Gunzo: HELP! Couldn't we just settle this with rugby instead of fighting?
Motosumi: You'll get used to it. You got talent.
Tetsugyuu: Yeah, let's have fun with it!
Gunzo: Dammit Ashigara, MC! You two owe me for this!
End of episode part
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