Tindalos: OKAY CHAT IT'S SPORTS FEST TIME! I'm your host from Tindalos Channel, Tindalos!
Enigma: And I am your co-host and Foreigner Dog nose bapper Enigma. Why AM I paired up with you, Tindalos?
Tindalos: Go ask Turing, Beep Boop Bear. Not like I wanted to work with you. Is it because the Entertainers are using us to show off some tech?
Enigma: I will now be suing you for breach of confidentiality on their behalf.
Tindalos: go shove it up your hard drive, I'm tryna be nice here!
Enigma: Now let us applause for our qualifying teams.
Tindalos: HEY! KISS MY ASS!
Lots of applause!
Enigma: Now let us begin introducing our teams starting with the last to qualify. First, the team that does NOT all come from one specific school or alliance like everyone else, it's Team Carbuncle!
MC: wow, so much cheering! / nervous / YEEEAAAH
Randos: "hey look, the prize" "they join whoever wins?" "all the big guilds want 'em" "whomst" "MC" "oh okay"
MC: WHAT
Carbuncle: Well damn. Welp, we just have to win, MC!
Girimekhala and Otohime wave at some Umamichi and Kamata folks.
Aegir: Oh wow, my lab students came to watch too!
Tindalos: Team #7 who broke several records, Team Bukuro!
Mac Roich, Kamui, Bathym, Snow, Ikutoshi, and Pollux are here!
Snow: Congratulations on qualifying, Master MC.
MC: You here too, Snow? / wait, where's your 7th member? / oof, the Berserkers...
---
(A) Snow: Yes, as part of Team Ikebukuro. Master of course is aiming for the gold.
(B) Snow: Our ace will be coming late. But I assure you he is the strongest here.
---
Kamui: Let us have a good, clean bout, my hero.
Bathym: Yooo, watch me flex out there MC!
Carbuncle: Whoa, the battle freaks still only qualified seventh quickest?
Snow: Yes, this is rather shameful... who could ever have thought Berserkers would do terribly with organized sports rules?
The rest of Team Ikebukuro look away from Snow.
Enigma: And now presenting Team #6, the super martial artists of Team Kudan!
It's Shiva, Temujin, Jagannath, Heracles, Kagutsuchi, Musashi, and Jungo!
Shiva: Hear me, MC! I-it's not like I care whether you dally with the other Reps while I train, but I could be convinced to have you join me if I win!
Temujin: Hmph. Come at me all you like, Bearer of Jamukha. I will claim you and take you all night long!
MC: we gotta win / I'd be down for that actually / bring it
(A) Carbuncle: What is wrong with all the people you know!?
(B) Carbuncle: NOOOO, YOU CAN'T
Tindalos: Moving on, Team #5 from Nerima, it's Team Army Jail!
It's Balor, Tiger Man, Tezcatlipoca, Shennong, Tanetomo, and Yasuyori!
Tezcatlipoca: BRRRROTHER! Look, we're going to fight again!
Balor: Someone get a camera and record me competing against my grandson!
Some prison uniformed spectators get on that.
Balor: And don't forget to focus on my grandson!
Shennong: You guys, just please...don't bang yourselves up here.
MC: Shennong!? / Wow, Grandpa! / wait, they're down one person too
---
(A) Shennong: Now now, that's Doctor to you.
(B) Balor: Haha, thanks. This is a sports thing but it still shouldn't stop until everyone is down on the ground.
(C) Tezcatlipoca: It's a surprise!
---
Carbuncle: Do you know literally everyone!? Oh whatever, fine! I just have to win this damn thing!
Tanetomo: Hello again Girimekhala, I haven't seen you since the snowball fight.
Girimekhala: Hello Tanetomo. No mercy!
Tindalos: And next is #4! We got farmers AND some mystery people! Team Southern Tokyo School Alliance!
It's Yamasachi, Perun, Volkh, Fuxi, Q'ursha, Tu Er Shen, and Ixbalanque!
Fuxi: I need to do my divinations and set myself up for this, hehe... SIIIISTER! Watch me win!
Carbuncle: Oh god I think things will be the worst off for us if they win.
MC: Same / eh, the crazy's already pretty high up there / he'll probably just simp for us
Yamasachi: Hey Otohime, you made it.
Otohime: I look forward to our later bout.
Hey, lots of other party acquaintances.
Engima: And now for the top three who qualified in like five minutes.
Hey look...
Enigma: Team #3 made it with the power of friendship or something. Team Shinjuku!
MC: WHAT
Shirou: Wow, we're actually going to compete against each other.
Tsukuyomi: Shleepy...
Shuten: Aww MC, you asked Chernobog but not little ol' me? I'd have helped you.
Ibaraki: (from the stands) YEEEAAAAH KICK MC'S ASS
Ryouta: MC, let's go on a snack tour if we win!
Moritaka: W-wait, we win MC as a prize if we triumph!? N-no, I am just here to help the team!
Touji and Kengo can't even bring themselves to say anything out of embarrassment.
???: Nice dreams. Too bad they're never coming true.
Tindalos: Oh hey, it's Team Eastern Tokyo School Alliance coming out already!
Masashi: Oh hello Moritaka, how's the filler spot life going?
Horus: Let us all remember the agreement to split Uncle's time fairly between us over a week.
Amaterasu: Ah, a much more orderly method of making decisions.
MC: I'm not your prize / We're winning this whole thing / they sound like a good idea actually
Gargoyle: Well that's a rather impressive gathering. They even have Michael with them, who is JUST as good as I am.
Michael: Excuse me!? "JUST as!?"
Gargoyle: Oh beg pardon, I forgot that whining is a sign you are actually less than me.
Ahura Mazda: Well we are likely the biggest hurdle aside from Team #1.
Onyankopon: But it's hard to believe the other World Reps not here would be any threat.
Tindalos: And finally the team that qualified the fastest! They didn't even fight other teams for their medals, it's the sports school team of Team Yoyogi!
Ashigara: Our time has come!
Gunzo: But Durga was the one who won most of our medals.
Durga: MY time has come! Oh hey Chernobog and MC. I'mma win this thing!
MC: You guys all want the prize!? / oh god they're too good! / so to win we have to beat them?
Wakan Tanka: Hello, my MC! We're not here for the prize, but for love of the games! Right guys?
Carbuncle: I DON'T GET THESE PEOPLE
Ashigara: I'm gonna flex on Roppongi's sumo club!
Wakan: I'm glad we can all compete on the same stage!
Enigma: Now onto the opening ceremonies. Please welcome Bukuro Academy Chairman, Lord Claude.
Claude makes his dramatic greetings as he walks to the central stage!
Claude: Congratulations, great athletes one and all. I for one look forward to seeing you sweat and fight it out. May everyone in and out enjoy the festival!
Applause!
Enigma: And next, the Traditional Japanese Sports Fest Fairness Pledge. MC, please come up.
MC: Okay! / wait, me? / WHAT
Claude: No worries, "good enough" will suffice here.
MC: Uh, okay then. In which case, we all promise...
MC: To have a good, clean contest! / To kick everyone's asses! / To take everyone on!
(A) Lots of applause!
(BC) Pleased Aegir and Gargoyle! Shocked rest of the party! The audience is stunned for a second before cheering loudly!
Carbuncle: WHY'D YOU TAUNT EVERYONE!?
Aegir: Good speech, MC! We have to win anyways, so why not?
Engima: Very good. Now for the opening band performance by Nakano Academy and Carbuncle.
Carbuncle: FINE! Listen up, people! I'm ME, not whoever you're projecting on me!
BeautifulSong.mp3
MC: oh my god so pro
Gargoyle: Of course. How can he be any less if I have him sing about how beautiful I am?
Tons of applause!
Tindalos: Damn, I oughta get him to sing my stream theme song. Okay, ceremony bits over!
Enigma: All athletes please return to your waiting rooms where we will contact you about the program.
Later
Girimekhala: OH GOD WE HAVE TO WIN AGAINST ALL THAT!?
Otohime: I must admit, our chances look vanishingly small.
Aegir: What, chickening out? You had to know all the other teams had to be a cut above.
Chernobog: I'm more impressed by Carbuncle's singing voice.
Carbuncle: Oh, thanks man.
Slightly intimidated party.
Gargoyle: Why do you doubt our chances when we have ME? I can beat everyone with my hands tied behind my back!
Ding dong!
Enigma: Announcement time. Our first round will be a one on one wrestling match. Winners score five points for their teams.
Festival's a cumulative point scoring system.
Enigma: And now for the designated athletes for the round. For Team Carbuncle, Gargoyle--
Gargoyle: (smirks) Yessss!
Later
Tindalos: It's wrestling time! For this match up, we've got Team Carbuncle's Gargoyle versus Team Yoyogi's Taurus Mask!
Taurus Mask: Alright, huge crowd!
Gargoyle: Yessss, all this attention is such a turn on.
Taurus Mask: Whoa, you've been in the spotlight a lot? And look at those muscles!
Lots of waving and flexing at the audience like a real pro wrestler match setup!
Gargoyle: I am indeed used to being seen by many, yes.
Taurus Mask: Cool! I gotta do my best for my fans and win!
Gargoyle: Commendable. But I'm going to be the one to win!
Waiting Room
The rest of the party is watching the match on TV.
Aegir: I was promised some wrasslin' and I ain't seeing any guys getting tossed around yet!
Carbuncle: Gargoyle's the type to constantly think about how to farm aura. But I guess he'll be fine.
Arena
Tindalos: Nice! And now to introduce our guest commentator, Jagannath from Team Kudan! You're a big MMA star, right?
Jagannath: Thanks! I'm good at punching, but I think I can explain grapples pretty good too. And I am totally NOT that punkish cop you might see around Kabukicho, just so everyone knows. We're doing the usual wrestling rules of a three second countdown, and this is gonna be good!
Tindalos: Alright, and now's a good time to change up the stage!
VR settings, on!
Tindalos: Surprise! New stadium tech with Metaverse area recreation! It looks and feels just like the real thing!
And now a wrestling ring!
Taurus Mask: Wait, this is straight up pro wrestling!
Tindalos: Nah man, this is the Sports Fest Ultimate Wrestling! And it's about time to get this show on!
Gong! Gargoyle and Taurus Mask charge each other and make a loud banging sound!
Taurus Mask: Okay god damn are you heavy!
Gargoyle: I'm impressed you can hold up against me. You really have trained yourself well!
Taurus Mask: O-oh, thanks? Uh, your muscles look great too.
Gargoyle: Yessss, admire me more and bulk up my faith energy...
Gargoyle gets bigger between all the cheers and compliments!
Taurus Mask: WAIT WHAT
Gargoyle: You could take the fall, but it'd be more exciting if I power slam!
Gargoyle pulls out his wings and lifts Taurus Mask!
Gargoyle: Gargoyle from the top rope! Brain Busterrrr!
Taurus Mask: OOF
MC: WHAT
Jagannath: Damn, he dead.
Seems so.
Team Yoyogi: GET UP, TAURUS MASK
Durga: We brought our own cheer squad! Hit it!
Nobuhara: Right! Go, go, Taurus Mask!
Nobuhara waves his flag around!
Gargoyle: Oh no, he is most definitely KOed.
Taurus Mask: NO I'M NOT, I CAN'T LET THEM DOWN!
Tindalos: BRUUUHHH!?
Jagannath: Daaaamn, this happens in underground matches too and--I mean, what?
Team Berserkers' Waiting Room
Bathym: Nice. Work that comeback scene, Taurus Mask!
Ikutoshi: Meh. That's kind of a huge hit to take for show biz. And I see Gargoyle isn't just vanity built.
Arena
Gargoyle: Impressive. Okay, your turn to pull a move! If you even can pull--WHAT
Gargoyle gets full nelson'd!
Taurus Mask: Dragon Supleeex!
POW
Jagannath: Wait, who the hell chooses to do a suplex on a guy who's like twice their weight or something?
Gargoyle: (gets up) Okay, my turn now.
Both seem ready to keep going despite the damage!
Party's Waiting Room
Chernobog: Such impact.
Otohime: Yes, but it will end soon.
Arena
Gargoyle's showing some tiredness even as he smiles.
Gargoyle: Heh, thanks for making me look good. Maybe I should make you look good as a statue.
Taurus Mask: what
Gargoyle starts charging Petrification Beam! But then he starts shrinking!
Gargoyle: (OH NO) Actually this is now paywall content, come see me at the Museum of Prayers if you dare!
Gargoyle bails out of the wrestling match!
Tindalos: HEY MAN, WHAT THE FU--
End of Episode part
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